Dance My Heart and Create My World - October Logs

"Have you ever had a dream that you whispered to the sky
Have you ever wanted wings so that you could fly
Oh believe it will happen
What wonders you will see...
As all your dreams come to be

Well I wanted some relief from a lonely and confused youth
Just a little inner peace with the master of the truth
I believed it would happen
What wonders did I see...
As all the chains began to fall from me

Well I wanted to find love: share my life with a special man
A whisper from above said "Believe, believe you can..."
So I believed it would happen
What wonder did I see...
Well that man he found me

Oh believe in the power of your dreams
Life is seldom what it seems
Ask for all the glorious Grace
that you may see your Vision face to face

Then I dreamed a child would come
from the union of our love
just like a daughter or a son
from the Light that shines above
I believed it would happen
My Vision is so strong
That child lives in every song

Oh believe in the power of your dreams
Life is seldom what it seems
Ask for all the glorious Grace
that you may see your Vision face to face

Have you ever had a dream that you whispered to the sky
Have you ever wanted wings so that you could fly
Oh believe it will happen
What wonders you will see...
As all your dreams come to be"
© Ganga Fondan 2006, "Whispered DreamSong" (Lyrics)© Ganga Fondan 2007 Graphic art from Photo-shoot with dancer Indrani Margolin
Journal Entry: October 15, 2010
The mystic sage Sri Aurobindo once spoke about his famous work, "Savitri" and described a process whereby he felt himself repeatedly transformed while writing it and had to change it again and again over the years. He said it was a living arena which led him to higher levels of self-realization. This had a huge impact on how I wanted to experience the creativity that flows through me. These songs and artwork are carrying me to deeper levels of knowing myself and leading me to a place where I can grow and expand. This particular song began in my teens and has changed its shape many times lyrically and musically. It continues to urge me to go even deeper into the principles of experiencing my oneness with Consciousness. The ache rises again as the wind bends low to hear the calling of my dreams.

Journal Entry: October 31, 2010

Of man :

"God-man (nara-narayana) is thy definition, it is not a delusion but truth. In thee the infinite seeks the finite, the perfect knowledge seeks love and when the form and the Formless (the individual and the universal) are united love is fulfilled in devotion." - Rajjib, poet saint of medieval India

( translated by Rabindranath Tagore)

Reading this a few times today brought tears to my eyes. The simplicity of this insight embraces the entire human race and all its thousands of daily attempts to understand its purpose here. It embraces the precious glimpses of ecstasy that arises when the infinite pierces the shell of understanding. Selflessness, sacrifice, unconditional love mean nothing unless I can feel that connection wholeheartedly. Millions reach out to help in unknown lands yet forget their own neighborhoods. Many sacrifice in their neighborhoods and neglect their families. Many raise beautiful families yet are oblivious of their own dreams. Many fulfill their dreams yet do not know the whispers of their own hearts. Without love, without self-knowledge, the path to service is empty. Without the inner guidance, how can we become instruments of stillness, limitlessness and peace? Staring into the dancing flame of the candle on my table, my heart aches to follow that true compass and steer only by That.

A Sound Mind Soars - September Logs

"The urge to stretch and move and soar
fills the clouds of thought once more
and strikes at once the heart to wake
to hear the music of its ache

The colors from beneath the skin
begin to twirl and shift and spin
until the body moves apart
expanding sound into an art

The song now rich with ear and eye
stretches arms across the sky
Beyond the realm of time and space
this goddess smiles and finds her place

Invoking all within the One
she bows before the rising sun
In silence It had called her name
to resurrect in Truth again"

© Ganga Fondan, "A sound Mind Soars"

(April 28, 2009,
© Ganga Fondan "That Thou Art - Series")
Journal Entry: September 16, 2010
More than 20 years ago, I could feel nothing but contraction and confusion. I ached to know where I belong and to know what I was meant to do with my life. My journey took me far to the other side of the country. Now I return to honor my dad's life and memory. Singing at his ceremony less than a month ago, I felt the abundance of my life journey. Amongst the sadness of the people, I felt a trust that my dad was light and free. His earthly life was not so, but now I could feel the release into a greater expansion. It was the same feeling that comes with deep meditation. The same sense of freedom I felt when my husband left this world many years ago. Now, there is a sense of assurance. We do not need to wait for the body to fall away. I feel overwhelming gratitude for my Teacher and the way of "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World". Day by day I experience new revellations of my soul, new songs and art expressions, new discoveries in the Goddess Self that reaches into Oneness and Unity with all. "My Consciousness is the Creator".

Steve Jobs expressed this so well : September 25, 2010:

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that's never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? We make tools for these kinds of people. While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
(Steve Jobs, Apple Computers)

Journal Entry: September 27, 2010

"The river and the wave are one surf. what is the difference between the river and the wave? When the wave rises it is water. When it falls, it is the same water again." - Kabir

The exquisite words of the 14th century poet, Kabir pulsate through me today. I woke up today and watched the DVD of my dad's life which we made for his funeral (Celebration of Life). I watched all the pictures one by one. His babyhood, his boyhood, his awkward early years, his marriage to my mom, his children, his friends, ...his experiences which unravel like a storybook that could be read over and over. His life came out of the great Eternal and now has gone back to It. We spend our whole life studying and separating concepts that exist in a unity. In order to understand life, we forget our oneness with it. I watch the pictures one by one. His appearance changes slightly from frame to frame. Did he accomplish what he set out to do? When I close my eyes and try to feel him, I know he is free. I feel comfort in Kabir's words. I remember once when my Teacher's eyes twinkled as he said " Can you remember a time when you were not?" This makes me smile. I ask inside that I may accomplish what I came here to do. I open my eyes and see the blank screen. An unspoken voice echoes "the sky's the limit". I remember from "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World" that this river of life cannot go backwards nor can it feed off of the repeated memories of yesterday because true imagination is active and alive and takes us to places we have never been before. My Teacher taught me that "knowledge is the past and imagination is the future". I take out the DVD and put it back in its case. I wonder what story my own DVD will play some day. Again I hear the Unspoken Voice within "the sky is the limit."

Journal Entry: September 29, 2010

Tonight I feel like I spend too much time looking at the sky. I see the stars behind the dark clouds and forget the about the one blazing in my heart. My eyes and ears marvel at the accomplishments of others and forget to feel the call of the One who sings within. I feel a sadness tonight and it draws me inside again. I recognize the fear of failing. It's so subtle. Courage is coaxing me onward again.

Journal Entry: September 30, 2010

Oh my Heart, Lead Thou me onward... Let me follow my bliss...

"Obstacles are those frightening things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." - Henry Ford

"Imagination is more important than knowledge for knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand while imagination embraces the entire world and all there ever will be to know and understand." - Albert Einstein

"Power Your World with Imagination..." - Tulshi Sen

Dare to Be Free - August Logs

"I stand on a mountain and see a higher one still
I must go through a valley to conquer that hill
You're the guide of my journey
I live in Your Name
You move me forward
'Til nothing's the same
You lift my eyes upward to that next highest peak
While the battle is raging in that valley so deep
Oh how You lift me every time I let go
I feel you inside me as I tremble so
The dark has subsided
The sun shines anew
That mountain is waiting
I know what I must do"

Ganga Fondan, 2004
(Song Lyrics - "Courage Creed")

Journal Entry: August 1, 2010
Something is stirring beneath my awareness. I feel it slithering back and forth like a snake underwater. I feel a shift coming and I'm not sure from which direction. There is a rising deep within which overshadows my fear of falling. There is an urge to let go to this feeling and trust that like a song or like a poem, it will make itself known. My reflexes tell me to recoil but there is an unknown assurance moving my heart to release each moment as it unfolds. Externally nothing has changed. A silent whisper urges me to remember this time. What phase is this? Uncertainty waits in every direction. My mom often told me that I clung to her body and resisted my biological birth as long as I could. I sometimes have trouble letting go. Let me now surrender to the power that cared for me in in my mother's womb.

Journal Entry: August 7, 2010

Tonight, a conversation with a man I know only a little, remains with me. He lost his father and brother in a shower of bullets in his own home. He was only 10 years old. Later he became a soldier for 8 years and killed other men. He watched many of his friends die. He left his country and started a new life. He has dreams like me. He wants to live a peaceful and creative life like me. Like most of us. As he walked away I felt a pain in my heart. I want to dig deeper to that place of peace within. The greatest Masters spoke of it. They never dreamed only for themselves.

Journal Entry: August 11, 2010

That Thou Art. I stare at the miracle of the Jade plant near my windowsill. Six months ago it came crashing down from my refrigerator smashing the clay pot to bits. It felt upsetting to pick up the plant and rescue it along with the dirt into a small plastic shopping bag which I then placed in a cookie tin. I felt so upset that I began to ignore the plant altogether and give it a chance to die. For no reason I could understand within myself, I wanted it to die quickly. I knew it could not survive the plastic bag. Over the months I barely watered it. A funny thing began to happen. The main stem, divided into two began to let half the tree die to sacrifice itself for the other half. The left side though barely hanging on began to arch towards the window, towards the sunlight and the songs of birds. The right side wilted and bent itself low and finally shriveled up. The left side began to grow two branches out of itself and on each was two leafy stems growing. The leaves grew thicker and slightly red underneath. They all stand upright and slightly ever so gracefully bend themselves toward the window as if they are bowing. Tonight I stare at this wonder. I run my right pointer finger along the thick stem. This Jade plant is an image of my heart. The life force of the heart continues no matter how many obstacles block its way. The energy sacrifices itself to return to its original state in order that it may continue threefold: creating, created, creator... when Narayan left this world, his side of my heart brought strength to allow me to reach towards the window of enlightenment. Thank-you for the insight. "That Thou Art."

Journal Entry: August 13, 2010

Deep deep within everything that exists is the essence of nonexistence which brought everything out of itself. There is no gap. I find that completely exhilarating.

*********

Journal Entry: for August 17, 2020 (entered September 14)

My dad unexpectedly leaves this world 4 days after my last entry. Today I read the journal observations on this page over and over and vow to myself to increasingly cherish the creative inner work because without it, we are deaf, dumb and blind racing through a life without meaning. This gift will be honored as will the teachings that continuously connect my heart and my head. My heart was preparing me for this time. A new chapter in my life begins.

Alive in Your Song: June - July

Keep my dream alive in your Song:
It frames beautiful thoughts within me
Touches my life with magnificent light
Expands love in every direction
Speaks softly to my purpose
Points my chin back up to the stars
It stirs the imagination
Gives voice to my feelings
Shakes off the mantle of apathy
Commands a sensitivity towards life
Brings me back to my center
Reminds me that we live from the inside out
Sees through the transparent mind
Leads me back to the wisdom of cause
Honors the uniqueness of my gifts
Breaks my fall when I miss the mark

Dusts me off and encourages me
to dream the impossible dream

Ganga Fondan, 2010

Journal Entry June 18, 2010

Continuing my SongQuest this week. It was first my husband and then my Teacher who opened up the Song of life and asked me to sing my part. My life unfolds in this music. Nothing tangible to fix on and yet this navigation penetrates everything I think and feel and do.

Journal Entry July1, 2010

I feel like something is expanding every paradigm, every perception and every idea that runs through my mind. More and more I remember the words: "My Consciousness creates". Tonight while walking home I could smell such a variety of scents in the evening wind. Every few steps came a new one. With each new smell I asked : "Who is sensing this?" I have walked down this street hundreds of times. Why is my sense of smell opening now? An unspoken feeling of a greater intelligence flowed through my thoughts. Then there was an aching running through my body. This unspoken feeling seemed to say "there is so much more to who you are ... stop leaking". Then in a flash came another feeling : "there is no hurry".

Journal Entry, July 7, 2010

In this SongQuest, my senses start to look outward at the world and see the tremendous injustice and imbalance there still seems to be. Political oppression and tremendous poverty still shadow so much of this planet. It hurts inside to feel it all and a paralysis overcomes me. It's too much. Then the words of my Teacher come back and remind me that transformation can only happen from within. What do I see? I see a place for the singing. Each day, the singing builds peace. The images of hope, courage and rapture return with each strum of the guitar. My face turns towards the lightness again and my voice sings in the direction of waves calling me home.

Journal Entry, July 31, 2010

It is the middle of the night. Lifting my head and opening my eyes, the outer world overwhelms me again. Such brutality and ignorance, such greed and fear mongering! The emotions rise and fall accordingly and I feel that old familiar paralysis yet again. Now I don't want to sing or dance. I don't want to feel this anymore. Why am I here? I listen to the girls outside my window. They are drunk with laughter and forgetting. I watch them under the shadow of the trees. They shout out to each other and shriek with pleasure. I remember the feeling of alcohol in my blood. I remember the numbness and the slowing down. I remember the sobering and the aching to know what is real and what is not. I watch them playing while so oblivious of all the sleeping people. Slowly I feel my breath filling up the inside of my belly. A subtle feeling reminds me of the story of the lion who found a lion cub being raised in a herd of sheep. It took a while for that lion to convince the little cub that he was not a sheep but a lion like him. The grass eating and bleating cub did not believe this huge majestic creature at first. Suddenly, in this moment I am that cub again. Looking into the water of the pond, I see a reflection. I close my eyes and remember my part in the wildness of the world. I go back in to seek the lion and shed myself of any trace of thinking that I was ever a sheep at all.

Enraptured with "Whisper the Trees"

Listening to the music: "Whisper the Trees":

I feel young enough to experience the elation of the trees that reach out to connect with me. All around me their green sings into the dancing breeze. This forest has stood on the edge of a song for an eternity...waiting for me to come. Deep within my Being there is whirling and laughter. Everything is alive and pulsating. I know you are there with me. I know you are here with me. Letting go of skin and bone...blood and water... all fading, my heart floats upwards into the trees. What is it you came to show me? What is the message that waits here in this music? Feelings of gentleness flow around. Feelings of caring and softness overwhelm my awareness. What is there that shall endure? The question formulates like a dream. All the mountains and oceans shall pass away. What can be conquered is but temporary. Is it noble to have much and give much. Is it righteous to be known and preferred? What is important in this life? Shall we be remembered in books and music for lifetimes? What endures? The leaves shiver all around me echoing one Word.

What is the one Word that describes what endures? I long for my body, for my internal organs, for my mind and senses so that I may know this answer. Tears come quickly and I want to run deeper into the forest, deeper into the colors of my home here on earth. I long for my lover, his eyes, his arms around me, around this flesh which covers me like a blanket. Skin against skin merging in those moments of exhilaration and surrender, did we not find that which endures even if only for a fleeting moment? Am I alone now to live within that Word? Above me the trees stand strong and resilient. They know the secret of kindness. They shall let me find this way on my own. My knees drop to the earth and my head touches the ground. I whisper "Show me what endures."

The song continues. I see your face before me. The Word is beyond the intellect and you and I are forever a part of it. There is nothing to do or know to be One. This freedom is ours to play in wholeness. In this Oneness there is everything. I miss you and yet I know we are never apart. It is the human paradox we continue to unravel. "Whisper the Trees" leads me down a golden path. There is still much to discover. My heart feels lighter. It remembers the songs of our true home. Now the entire forest rejoices and sings along.

Listening to this album tonight stirs up deep feelings of love for Narayan. He reaches through the harp strings, through the voice and beauty of Elke's lyrics. She sings from that place which he used to reach into. She lets her feelings out and I am one with her. He is with her. He is with me. She remembers her brother and I remember my lover. We are sisters forever in our love for him and sing the songs of compassion and tenderness. We sing the songs of the One Heart.

"Where Dreams Really Do Come True"

In my effort to find you
I made you into the image of everything I knew
The memory bank was full of reference points
First a ghost, a man, the wind, the stars
Then a breeze, a whisper, the pen, the paper
The lover, the husband, the friend, the song
Like Dorothy in a dream every piece of my life
Spoke to me through you
Until she was sent back
To wake up and smash through the illusion
All along the props were designed to teach
To be the teacher
To be the lesson
To be the student
And the learning itself
Everything is a dream
My right hand reaches through the curtain
To touch the sky
While my left clings affectionately
To everything beautiful the breath has shaped
Knowing full well you are these still lingering
Like the sweet sleep just before the dawn

Ganga Fondan 2010

Journal Notes: May 24, 2010
Staring into the dark night, I reach into a place which is neither attainable nor unattainable. The place of art and poetry eases me into connection. The tools are alive as Consciousness leads me in a dance of release and holding. My mind blissfully follows. After the layers of digital colors and after the poetry ... the silence waits: "There's no place like home."

Disappear Into the Magic of a Song

"Life is thinking and feeling. Feeling creates thought and thought creates a mold which the Universe works to fill instantaneously. It pours the Universal substance into the mold of thought to manifest it. That is why Science today declares we create by observation. Consciousness creates reality. The Universe is observer created." - Tulshi Sen

The artist in me doesn't want to think of how the laws of the Universe operate. I just want to express and have the work tell me its own story. I've read the above passage over and over these last few years and it is not until today that it actually thrills me to read and repeat this particular excerpt. Why? I suddenly realize why I feel so much resistance to learning how to do a thing before I have found a way through it on my own. It's actually because of the following poem inspired by the artwork that I understand the principle. Feelings poured out of me years ago that turned into dozens of songs and then afterwards, graphic art pieces. The Universe was opening a pathway for me to follow and all I had to do was let go and ask for the expression. It thrills me to no end now because, I can cite aspects of this journey scientifically and artistically:

an urge filled with sound arose
formulated with a question
which sputtered out
years ago over a pool of tears
aching for the song
that would take the pain away
just so my life could dance every day
then
out of the darkness
from the depths of a vivid and pulsating Universe
came a rhythm
came an answer
came a melody
that burst into a crescendo of music
filled with joyous movement
my Heart brings forth the abundance
out of No-Thing over and over
until my body disappears in this jubilation
and I AM everywhere all at once

Ganga Fondan 2010

Without the actual feeling of an experience, how can merely knowing the laws enrich our lives? I meet dozens of people every week who want to read a book on falling in love, on dieting, on how to be a good parent, on how to have less clutter and all the while they remain oblivious as to why the last book didn't quite do the trick. The answers are not in mere knowledge alone. When the ache to experience these things is so strong, the Universe will comply. In this substance we lose ourselves to the experience and witness the manifestation of the very thing that eluded us. The true Masters who know this always bring the focus back to the inner Self. the place we dream from, create from and manifest from is within us. Our challenge is only to release ourselves from the clutches of our own past conditioning which finds endless ways to increase our reliance on anything other than what we know to be true within.

I remember once how my Teacher smiled and told us:

"First came art and then came science to explain art."

As I continue to reread "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World" over and over again, I feel the laws alive more and more in my heart. These meditations open me up to create and honor the impulses that come up and the tools of visioning guide me to focus and be vigilant on this path of Self discovery. The language of Consciousness continues to reveal its wonders.

Delight in the Music of the Paradoxical Quest

Why should I care to find my song?
Why should you care to find yours?
Don’t we vibrate in an Ocean of Sound?
Does the dream of reaching ourselves
To finally know who we are
To finally know where we are going
Delight an Answer in limitless queries?
Don’t our bodies soak in possibility
Within the larger symphony of stars and galaxies
Beyond all mathematical perplexity?
Will our shallow throated emissions
Penetrate the shells still dividing us?
From nowhere and everywhere
This paradoxical quest holds the Tune
We are each an aspect of its vital Harmony
We find our journey waiting and singing to us
To invoke a much deeper throated response
Until we feel ourselves to be Home

Ganga Fondan, 2010

A week ago, while walking under a great tree filled with birds singing so beautifully, I wondered how they all know how to make this sound as a group. The songs literally lifted my heart. I stood completely silent. I just let their chirping soak deeply into me. It felt wholesome and sweet. Through the tiny bodies of birds came this soothing and this joyful vibration. Staring at the other people walking by I noticed that most of them were wearing headphones. I thought about how often I hear but I really don't listen to what's really happening all around me. There are natural sounds. There are man-made sounds. In a movie called "August Rush", a young boy looks around and feels all of it like a great symphony and uses this Song of Life to find his parents. Can we find a similar way of navigating?

The songs that poured through my heart all these years have a deeper purpose than even I know. So many times I've wondered what they are for? Now I feel myself wanting to sing again and find the answer. When I sing it feels like all the cells of my body become centered and peaceful. I wonder if that is why the birds carry on as passionately as they do. I feel like they are small guides singing me Home. In this place there is no stress or fear. There is no need for greed or jealousy. In this place I know the whole world joins in to delight in the exhilarating celebration of life.

"Prayer for Expanding Love from Myself..."

“O Divine Mother, teach me to use the gift of Thy love, which I feel in my heart, to love the members of my family more than myself. Bless me, that I may love my neighbors more than my family. Expand my heart’s feelings, that I love my country more than my neighbors, and my world and all my human brethren, more than my country, neighbors, family, and my own self.

Lastly, teach me to love Thee more than anything else, for it is only Thy love that enables me to love everything. Without Thee, I could not love anything or anybody.

Father Divine, teach me to enter through the portals of family love, and that of the love of my friends, into the mansion of wider social love. Teach me to pass from there through the doors of social love, and into the wider mansion of international love. Then teach me to pass through the portals of international love into the endless territory of the divine love, wherein I perceive all animate and inanimate objects as breathing and living by Thy love alone.

Teach me to tarry not at any alluringly beautiful gate of family, social, or international love. Teach me to pass through all the portals that lead to the smaller gardens of love until, passing through the last gate of human love, I enter into the endless territory of divine love where I shall find all living, semi-living, and sleeping things to be my very own.”

- Paramhansa Yogananda, “Whispers of Eternity”

Reading theses words today made my heart sing. I feel another SongQuest coming on and Easter week-end is the perfect timing for such an undertaking. May this prayer expand your heart and may it save you from the existence of mundane events and stir your heart to soar and sing with the whole Universe. This digital artwork is music put to canvas. These songs come in many forms. May we have courage to listen.

Happy Easter!!!

Enters My Room Lifting My Heart

“Here comes the Sun
Like a mother in the morning
Enters my room
Raises the shades
of my mind

Softly the Light
takes me in her arms
Kisses me good-morning
Lifting my heart

Opens the window
Lets the breeze come in
The songs of birds enter the day
My mother smiles so sweetly now
Oh let it always feel this way

On and on I wander through this life
And though the grey clouds do appear
to be everywhere
I know the sun is there
in my room…

Here comes the Sun…”

Ganga Fondan, 2010

The light enters softly on some mornings. The daylight streams in subtle rays and softly penetrates everything it touches. There is a calm and lifting feeling as the warmth of the sun brings a smile to my lips. She enters as a mother, sweet and smiling and circulating around me. Usually on this kind of day, my guitar, Antara waits ready. Feelings surface into songs.

I close my eyes and see the room so clearly. It shines like a temple of radiance and the Great Mother takes away the shadows of doubt and resistance. All trouble is released and in the arms of something beyond any words, I feel elevated and vibrating with joy. This sun holds me and sends me forth into the day like a bursting star.

On days like these, songs spring forth and bend themselves into images and pools of colors on my digital canvas. On days like these purpose comes alive in every heartbeat repeating over and over:

"Consciousness is the Creator"

If You Want to Change the World...Love A Woman

“If you want to change the world… love a woman-really love her.
Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense.
Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen.
Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing-
every winged one, every furry and scaled one,
every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one,
every not yet born and dying one…
Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life.
If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough.
If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet,
you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.

If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman
beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason,
beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety
and all your superficial concepts of freedom.
We have given ourselves so many choices
we have forgotten that true liberation
comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire
and burning through our resistance to Love.
There is only one Goddess.
Look into Her eyes and see-really see
if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.
If not, walk away. Right now.
Don’t waste time “trying.”
Know that your decision has nothing to do with her
because ultimately it’s not with who,
but when we choose to surrender.

If you want to change the world… love a woman.
Love her for life-beyond your fear of death,
beyond your fear of being manipulated
by the Mother inside your head.
Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her.
Say you’re willing to LIVE with her,
plant trees with her and watch them grow.
Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty,
by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess
through your adoration and devotion.

If you want to change the world… love a woman
in all her faces, through all her seasons
and she will heal you of your schizophrenia-
your double-mindedness and half-heartedness
which keeps your Spirit and body separate-
which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self
for something to make your life worth living.
There will always be another woman.
Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one
and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars,
trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire.
Man doesn’t need any more choices.
What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine,
of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing,
of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots
strong enough to hold the Earth together
while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin.

If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman.
Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel.
Love her through her fear of abandonment
which she has been holding for all of humanity.
No, the wound is not hers to heal alone.
No, she is not weak in her codependence.
If you want to change the world… love a woman
all the way through
until she believes you,
until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion,
her wildness have returned to her-
until she is a force of love more powerful
than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.

If you want to change the world,
lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs.
Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger
and love a woman…
beyond all of your striving for greatness,
beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment.
The holy grail stands before you
if you would only take her in your arms
and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.

What if peace is a dream which can only be re-membered
through the heart of Woman?
What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine
is the key to opening Her heart?
If you want to change the world…love a woman
to the depths of your shadow,
to the highest reaches of your Being,
back to the Garden where you first met her,
to the gateway of the rainbow realm
where you walk through together as Light as One,
to the point of no return,
to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.”
-Lisa Citore

This is my dedication to Lisa Citore for her fabulous poem. It reminds me of when my Teacher reminds us to honor all women because each one of us came through the womb of a woman. It is the greatest mystery and the closest we come to the Divine experience becoming flesh within us.

Thank-you Chameli for sending me this poem.
Thank-you Lisa for writing these wholesome and awe-inspiring words.

Women have so much more to contribute to the welfare and harmonious evolution of the world. When we make this feminine experience valuable and necessary, the entire way that men and women experience life will completely be transformed. I can say first hand that the more my life came in touch with this inner feminine beauty, the more my soul mate and lover proclaimed his devotion to me. The more I felt his love, the more I wanted to expand this feeling outward to the entire Universe!

"Reaching Deeper Into the Garden of Gethsemane"

"I saw the Storm and ice covered land
I saw the frozen trees so silent
I saw the blackness of their branches
under the unforgiving snow
Down down into the earth i went
Deeper and darker places surrounded me
Until the colors came
Until the swirling shapes danced around me
There the roots of life drew forth from a greater Life
This is the place of the Great Dream
Where the Garden ever pulsates
From this place the roots draw forth and sustain entire worlds
The seasons draw from on eternal Spring
changing the shapes of Infinity over and over again
Ganga Fondan, 2010

Unedited from a journal entry written after meditating on the "Four Eternal Principles". Focusing on the meaning of those journaled words came this artwork on digital canvas. It reminds me of how everything we touch, taste, smell, see, feel, hear....is connected to a greater Source beyond the senses and immerses us in a grander experience each time we are courageous enough to let go of all the small ways we know ourselves.

It was such a vivid unfolding worth recording. Beneath the cold and snow covered earth, there is always an ocean of swirling colors and shapes just aching to burst through the dark surface and renew the world again and again. The word "Infinity" itself is worth meditating on again and again and again. Somehow in the rational side of ourselves we need to measure and quantify the beauty and pain in our lives. We forget that, like the seasons we evolve in the most profound ways. In the pain of a seed bursting open grows a most wonderful tree. When the tree withers and dies, there is a renewal again in the earth as the essence of life plays again and again into new shapes and forms.

Sitting there in the basement of my parent's home on such a cold wintry day in Alberta, I listened to "Consciousness Rising". My mind felt a bit agitated at the beginning so I let go and floated into the strings of the Tamboura and let my body become as light as the flute sound that called out to me. This time I did not listen to the Teacher's words exactly but let them wash over me. Then the vision of the poem began and a rush of wonder went through my body. I scribbled out the words that came with the images.

This whole experience is symbolic of my visit out West. I see my life deeper, richer, brighter and more meaningful than I did as a young girl growing up. Beneath those stormy years were roots digging deep into the earth and drinking from places I did not yet realize.

All I can say now is that I trust in those roots and in the place they draw from. My life evolves like that Great Garden into many more wondrous shapes, colors and experiences. A place where everything is still possible.

The Heart's Wisdom has Always and Will Always Lead Us Home Again and Again

Your Grace is ever upon me
There is no step I take alone
Your wings of Love ever surround me
on this journey home

Your Forgiveness ever a torchlight
Your Wisdom the map in my hand
When your kindness blows through me
like a warm summer breeze
what is there to understand?

There is no grief that can hold me
There is no sadness that can stay
Your songs of comfort ever guide me
Your words of courage light the way

You fill my cup with riches
Your Joy is infinite and true
Oh I would be a heap of ashes
were it not for You

Ganga Fondan, 2001

It feels great to be sitting here at my blog again and processing the feelings running through me these past few weeks. This trip out West stands out as an important milestone in this life journey. There was a moment while flying at 400 mph at 40,000ft up in the air that I asked quietly within that my thoughts may stay centered and detached and that my heart may be filled with love and non-judgement. Usually when I have flown anywhere I've taken time to create the emotional experiences first in my mind. This time I just wanted to witness the events of the coming days and stay focussed on loving. I had to laugh that my body was being hurled through space high above the earth but my mind did not feel like it was moving at all. Settling into the window bulkhead seat with two seats next to me empty, I wrote a serious inventory of my life using my well worn copy of "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World".

The following days streamed past me like a great rushing river filled with laughter, songs, celebration (including my dad's 70th birthday party)and stories. A strange detachment penetrated my Being but I felt intensely present everywhere I went. In order to visit everybody we stayed up some nights just to catch up. Deep within me, I felt a presence of Love. A Love that had always been beside me in the early years. Some moments felt like I had been there before in the same experience only I was much older now. I don't think I can put that into words. I suddenly felt that my awareness of this Presence was stronger than in my youth but It had nonetheless always been guiding my life. Now I was merely a witness to the wonder of those days. It was exhilarating to discover for myself that "awareness" is everything. For years my Teacher had always said:

"We don't learn anything. We discover what we already know."

I feel genuinely grateful for the happiness that my family and friends exuded. I feel so grateful for the love and acceptance they grace me with. My desires and dreams have sometimes been so different than theirs but they love me nonetheless. The great Heart continues to shower these blessings throughout my life. On the return flight home, I wrote more ideas into my notebook. There are still so many feelings to explore.

Today's digital image best captures the idea of looking over my shoulder and not feeling alone, of the awareness of Presence and of nature's greater design. The words were written several years ago when in the darkest stages of grief and loss, a feeling of Joy would flow through me so abundantly and express itself in song. No matter what happens in my life, I know that my Heart will ever bring me Home again and again.

"Consciousness creates Reality."

Wake Up Dreamchild of the Sun and Shine

"The moon shines in my body,

but my blind eyes cannot see it:

The moon is within me, and so is the sun.

The unstruck drum of Eternity is sounded within me;
but my deaf ears cannot heart it.

So long as man clamours for the I and the Mine,
his works are as naught:
When all love for the I and the Mine is dead,
then the work of the Lord is done.
For work has no other aim
than the getting of knowledge:
When that comes then work is put away.

The flower blooms for the fruit:
When the fruit comes, the flower withers.
The musk is in the deer,
but it seeks it not within itself:
It wanders in the quest of grass."

-Kabir (13th Century Ecstatic Poet)
(Translation by Rabindranath Tagore)

We sit quietly sometimes overwhelmed with our own smallness. In a world where gigantic governments have revealed themselves as power mongers and technological advancements have made our lives simpler but not easier, how do we find a way to live in harmony with the world and all of its challenges? How do we fulfill our purpose and make sure that we leave the world a better place than the one we came into? This is often a question on my mind. Through contemplation, meditation, soulful creativity, and a sense of humor, the inward search becomes the only source of aspiration and hope. The tremendous connection to everything is not possible when we are still asleep .

A soft unspoken voice endlessly resonates within us "Wake Up" and know yourself in unity with everything and everyone. In a blade of grass, in the song of a bird, in the wind whispering through the trees: there is Truth reflecting back to us. Breathe into yourself all possibilities and lose all rigid constraints of old ideas. Breathe into yourself a new song that sings outward from the depth of your own Being. Express that uniqueness out into the world the same way a monarch butterfly dances in its joy or a baby bird emerges from its egg and declares its sound to all of creation. We have not come here to live a separate existence from all things around us but to feel our oneness with it.

When sadness and loneliness crept into my day, I would often occupy myself with Kabir's words. I wanted to wake up to the reason I was left behind here on this earth and my lover had to leave. Often times I just wanted to sleep the day away because the answers would not come. Kabir's poetry always lifted my heart. Over the years, various layers have shed themselves from the understanding of the words and have found greater depths in my Being. I wanted to sing these words, draw these words and absorb them into my days. Where was that moon and sun in me? Why do I work so hard and feel so unsuccessful at times? Why does the deer always run everywhere else to look for the musk instead of within? How do we find balance in the attachments of love and then easily let go? Day by day, month by month and year by year new insights would open the floodgates of creativity and gratitude.

And so I look into the girl in the picture. She is the pondering and contemplative child of the Universe that aches to know herself fully. All of creation shines out of her and everything around her. There is a slight smile on her lips because she is feeling the arousal of Consciousness more and more. She is well on her way. The greater world is training her to overcome the lesser world of attachment to things and circumstances. She realizes the peace and abundance are nowhere to be found in the outside existence but stream from a greater exhaustless wellspring within. It's an excruciating and ecstatic journey all at the same time. More and more the moments of joy linger into all aspects of life. A child of the sun cannot help but shine.

PS...I'll be flying out west so I will be back in a couple of weeks!!!! Love to you!!!

"The Manifestation is Already in the Vision"

"We are told that talent creates its own opportunities. Yet it sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities but its own talents." - Bruce Lee

These two quotations are the subject of this digital art today. So many sources of this same message keep showing up in my day to day life lately:

First there was this woman at the park with her fourteen year old daughter who wants more than anything to become a dancer and her mother quickly added that this young girl didn't have what it takes to make it as a dancer. I smiled into the eyes of the girl and confidently told the mother that she will be a dancer if she sets her mind to it. It kind of came pouring out of me with such certainty that the three of us stood there quietly for a while.

Then later in the day while watching the movie "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" there was a part where Dan Millman's Mentor, Socrates asks Dan why he loves the rings in gymnastics and Dan tells him that he has loved it since childhood. It was the first thing he ever remembers identifying with the love of doing something. He found the love in what he loved to do. He reconnected with his desire to do the routine perfectly rather than focus on winning at the national tryouts. His legendary performance afterwards was only icing on the cake compared to the fulfilled vision of each momentary move. This is a true story about an athlete who shattered his leg so badly in a motorcycle accident, he defied all odds by competing nationally again.

In his book, Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World, my Teacher writes:

"The Secret to Success is to know your power and to know that Consciousness is the only power that creates. You are One with that power. When you have an Intention you have to let go and know that this all Power will bring all circumstances, conditions, and people to manifest your Intentions. You don't do anything: You just see it being done." - p145

Today while eating a veggie pita in a small cafe , I thought about the scene in the movie "Matrix" where the young orphan child at the Oracle's apartment teaches Neo how to bend a spoon. The youngster says:

"Do not try to bend the spoon. Instead realize the Truth...There is no spoon. It is you yourself that bends."

Then tonight, while listening to one of my favorite albums by Prosad, I review his lyrics from the "Big Bag of Rice" track:

"All my money's in my heart

My mind tells me that it's out there

I tell my mind that you are blind

Though you have a thousand eyes

What's in my heart is all I need

If you only listen to your heart

Then you'll get all the money you can see

Inside you, in your heart

What's in your heart is all you need"

By this time I take the Bruce Lee quote out of my pocket and settle down with my new mouse in hand and see what flows out of this feeling of synchronicity. I feel light. I feel the dance of the day. I feel gratitude for desire itself. Where do the songs come from? Where does the poetry and the art shower through me from? I have no idea. I only feel the desire to express what is inside.

Tonight I revel in the very idea:

"Consciousness Creates my Reality."

By the way...this new mouse is heaven...

You Slipped Through the Keyhole of Time and Space...

My Dearest Narayan,

Like a child wanders off uninhibitedly, you silently left. Your breath became less and less. The rising and falling of your chest ceased. Did you feel us all singing and loving you? Did you know that we allowed no sadness into the room as you took your majestic leave? How beautifully your face shone. Like in those sacred moments of lovemaking when your life force would hurl itself through my very being, I felt the rush of blood under my skin as you left. I felt your silent cry of freedom throughout every cell of my existence. Everything was still and dancing all at the same time.

Every year on this day, I honor your memory in some special way. There is not a day that passes where you are not in my heart, but on this day...a special light shines because I know that you overcame the great mystery I still find myself in. I know that you went to a place of perfection because I felt a peace I have never known before as you left. I know it was a gift from you.

And so I type away on this computer today. I stare into the digital image that came. A DreamChild to represent our life together. That child of song and music and poetry who is suckled on our romance and the wisdom of ancient times. This child grows, my love. This child wanders as you did through the keyhole of all limitation and knows everything in Love. This child comforts me when I miss you too much and lifts my heart to those places where I know you are. This is a child of Heaven and Earth.

Sometimes I feel that I cannot bear another moment without you. Sometimes I cry for myself and judge myself for these foolish tears. I feel no strength and then...the songs come again and I know that my heart can endure anything. What is this small lifetime when we have eternity. The human life is a beautiful one, but you help me to look up and try to rise above it. I came here to find that higher love that you call me to. I close my eyes and see your face. Your perfect smiling chiseled face. I am still so in love with you.

I know you are happy. I feel it. I honor you today and the magnificent impact you still have on my life. I take no steps without you. Often I think of your beautiful feet and how I used to rub them on the harder days. Those beautiful feet I kissed as you drifted away. Those beautiful feet that wander the foot halls of Eternity.

Happy Narayan's Nirvana my Mr.Bluesky.

your "Angel Eyes"

Take me Upward into Deathless Love

“Here I stand on another mountain

The view from here it stirs my soul

The journey was long and hard

And I’m not sure what I feel inside

Conquering and being conquered

A weariness that holds my mind

My knees are shaking

and the tears are rolling

and the sky is listening

Waiting for my heart to know the way

But I’m not sure and so I say:

Lead Thou me onward

Oh my Soul

Take my life upward

Oh take me Home

Beyond these mountains

and the valleys I’ve known

Oh my Soul Take me Home…

So here I stand again and singing

Another circle feels complete

I want to be more than a bird in a golden cage

opening and closing that door

A weariness that holds my mind

My knees are shaking

And the tears are rolling

and the sky is listening

waiting for my heart to know the way

but I'm not sure and so I say

Lead Thou me onward

Oh my soul

Take my life upward

Oh take me home

beyond these mountains

and the valleys I've know

Oh my Soul take me Home

To lift the weariness that holds the mind

To see each day anew

What price would be too high

to spread these wings and fly

to soar the freedom of the breeze

Lead Thou me onward oh my Soul..."

Ganga Fondan, 2009

These lyrics came last year on November 19th, which would have been Narayan’s and my 16th anniversary. This has become my theme song for 2010. New strength and wisdom guides me now and my aspirations soar through the Universe with Joy. I do not want to live in old habits and thus create a new paradigm for my life. From this mountain peak I see no higher earthly place to reach and so look way up…

The words for this post are the same ones that came pouring out of me in response to to a young man's plea earlier this evening. He wondered why he always finds himself in the same predicaments over and over. He looked frustrated and angry. After a moment of reflection I saw my own life like a movie in my mind and gave a response to this question:

Sooner or later we realize that there is a much larger picture around the small events of our individual lives. We cannot see it at the time, but these things seem to become clearer later on. If we allow ourselves to get caught up in the dynamic of the moment and attach ourselves to that one event, we live very frustrated and painful lives. Sooner or later it becomes necessary to decide on a better outcome and focus on that in order to change the paradigm of our experiences. I no longer think that we have come here to change the world but to be transformed and transcend the smaller experiences of our life in order to master ourselves in any given situation.

I could see that it was difficult for this young man to hear this. His experience has shown him that life is unfair and unjust and he feels tired of fighting an uphill battle. There are so many things that I wanted to say but I could see that it was not the right time to say them. This phase of feeling the futility of action is necessary sometimes in order to feel the ache to reach higher. Who can say if life is fair? I think he needed to speak what he felt more than hearing but I know that it was important to have that conversation because I grew from it.

As I type these words and watch the curser on the screen, I think about how much has happened in my life to get me to this exact moment. Every second of it was worthwhile and important to my growth even though at the time, I couldn't see how. My Teacher says that even a willow leaf falls from a tree with purpose. I think about the words to the song above. It is time to spread my wings and leap to higher ground. There is no earthly mountain higher than the one I stand on at this very moment. I'm tired of sinking and soaring. I close my eyes and invoke a higher path. This one will take me "heartward" again.

With every new transition there is a trust and a surrender to a higher Vision. With every new endeavor there is gain and loss again. This is the sacrifice of the Phoenix as she rises over and over in deathless Love. We are the generations of her renewal. I close my eyes and spread my arms open wide...

"Lead Thou me onward Oh my Soul

Take my life upward

Oh take me Home

beyond these mountains

and the valleys I've known

Oh my Soul

Take me Home"

"My Songbird Singing Sings Her Songs"

"My Songbird singing sings her song as a birth goes wrong
Her mother is tormented by what she saw
as Songbird singing sings her song
Songbird's mother helplessly screams
the scream of a dying phoenix
Three years go by
No one hears Songbird singing her song
until they meet a friendly wise man
who hears Songbird singing her song
The wise man looked into her eyes and said softly:
Songbird singing, you will sing me your song twelve years past

The wise man waits patiently
and then at fifteen years of age
he gazed into her eyes
Songbird sang out loud her song
The wise man looked into the eyes of the dead phoenix
He whispered words of wisdom God sent
with kindness and understanding
The dead phoenix at that moment started to ascend
Started to mend because she heard Songbird sing her song

Today as yesterday,
the wise man still looks into the eyes of Songbird singing
Songbird singing was once without
Now she is whole
Songbird sings mariake songs every day
all day long"

-Roger Valentine

I found this heart-wrenching poem while surfing on youtube. It was written by Roger Valentine and posted for a friend with autism. Beneath the surface of the words is a very human journey that many of us have taken and still take. Silence and suffering paralyzes us in darkest chaos. In helplessness all seems to be lost and pointless. Eventually wisdom rejuvenates us with kindness and understanding. In this light we find our voice and our uniqueness. In joy we overflow with who we are meant to be. This poem is eloquently recited by Rajesh Vedpraksh whose silk laden vocals really add emotion to this superb piece. Thank-you kindly Mukhtarze for posting this.

Also if anyone knows more about this poem or its correct written form I would really like to know more.

This digital art is how my heart was stirred in this experience.
Listen to the poem here.

Face to Face with the Inner Teacher

"There was a little girl who asked God:
How will there be peace on earth
with so much anger in my own family?
How can others in the world be my brothers and sisters
when my classmates are bullies and despise those who are different?
As a young teen she asked the Christed One:
How can there possibly be only one Creator
while each religion maintains its own exclusivity
of rules and regulations for salvation?
As a young woman she asked:
How can more people find true love
when the sanctity of womanhood is forgotten
and sex is no longer considered an act of Union?
When She saw one patient after another dying
from aggressive treatment of disease,
she asked the Heavenly Father:
How can there be a cure for fatal illness
when healing is a multinational business?
She called out to Jesus
To Mother Mary
To Krishna and Ram
She called out to Buddha
And Shiva, Vishnu and Brahman
She called out to Mother Earth and Father Sky
but it wasn't until she became a widow,
that she heard One small unspoken Voice whisper:
“It is by asking that we truly love
It is by giving we receive"
It was then that she asked her final question:
What is the purpose of my life?

In that swirling vacuum a song arose
Shining and brilliant like the Sun
In that instant was a great letting go
A surrendering to the way of Love
A relief from the aching to understand
everything on the outside
A surge of unforgettable Solitude
A wellspring of purpose fulfilled:
Peace"

Ganga Fondan, 2010

Out of Art and Poetry : A New Blueprint

Staring into the artwork and reading the words, I see life in a new design:

What is it that keeps families at war with themselves? What keeps them from not forgiving and letting go of the pain of the past? I close my eyes and ask that these things may come to light for each person to be revealed and transcended.

With more peaceful families surely each child will hold a stronger foundation within him or her self to play and work together out of joy and a feeling of oneness. Innocence will be the foundations of faith and aspiration. I close my eyes and see the most powerful generation of children cooperating and building a new understanding that rises beyond our current knowledge of what it means to be a human being.

In this feeling of oneness, we readily accept the cultural, religious, educational and economic differences between us and know that we are rooted in One Love. I see the children of the world nurtured and centered in who they are and able to go where they want to go.

Rooted in One Love, mutual respect and integrity come again to the surface. We dance in a knowing that the highest form of creation still manifests itself in the womb of great imagination and possibility. We recognize this wonder reflected in the womb of woman and know that each of us emerged through that sacred temple. The feminine within each of us is the balancer and nurturer and the keeper of the great mystery. It is from this place that we see the needs of others as our own before the asking.

From deep within us flow the greatest ideals and wonders. From deep within us emerges a wellspring of joy and hope and vision. I see that disease in its simplest form, "dis-ease" finds its polar opposite and merges with ease. With ease all things are possible.

May all people who feel the anguish of an unhappy life find the courage to go to the source within themselves and see their relationships from the root cause. I close my eyes see this beautiful world growing and discovering itself more and more. I see that out of a poem is revealed a life work and out of a picture a new paradigm seed bursts open.

My Teacher says:

"Laced in every well formulated question is the answer revealed." - Tulshi Sen