Your Grace is ever upon me
There is no step I take alone
Your wings of Love ever surround me
on this journey home
Your Forgiveness ever a torchlight
Your Wisdom the map in my hand
When your kindness blows through me
like a warm summer breeze
what is there to understand?
There is no grief that can hold me
There is no sadness that can stay
Your songs of comfort ever guide me
Your words of courage light the way
You fill my cup with riches
Your Joy is infinite and true
Oh I would be a heap of ashes
were it not for You
Ganga Fondan, 2001
It feels great to be sitting here at my blog again and processing the feelings running through me these past few weeks. This trip out West stands out as an important milestone in this life journey. There was a moment while flying at 400 mph at 40,000ft up in the air that I asked quietly within that my thoughts may stay centered and detached and that my heart may be filled with love and non-judgement. Usually when I have flown anywhere I've taken time to create the emotional experiences first in my mind. This time I just wanted to witness the events of the coming days and stay focussed on loving. I had to laugh that my body was being hurled through space high above the earth but my mind did not feel like it was moving at all. Settling into the window bulkhead seat with two seats next to me empty, I wrote a serious inventory of my life using my well worn copy of "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World".
The following days streamed past me like a great rushing river filled with laughter, songs, celebration (including my dad's 70th birthday party)and stories. A strange detachment penetrated my Being but I felt intensely present everywhere I went. In order to visit everybody we stayed up some nights just to catch up. Deep within me, I felt a presence of Love. A Love that had always been beside me in the early years. Some moments felt like I had been there before in the same experience only I was much older now. I don't think I can put that into words. I suddenly felt that my awareness of this Presence was stronger than in my youth but It had nonetheless always been guiding my life. Now I was merely a witness to the wonder of those days. It was exhilarating to discover for myself that "awareness" is everything. For years my Teacher had always said:
"We don't learn anything. We discover what we already know."
I feel genuinely grateful for the happiness that my family and friends exuded. I feel so grateful for the love and acceptance they grace me with. My desires and dreams have sometimes been so different than theirs but they love me nonetheless. The great Heart continues to shower these blessings throughout my life. On the return flight home, I wrote more ideas into my notebook. There are still so many feelings to explore.
Today's digital image best captures the idea of looking over my shoulder and not feeling alone, of the awareness of Presence and of nature's greater design. The words were written several years ago when in the darkest stages of grief and loss, a feeling of Joy would flow through me so abundantly and express itself in song. No matter what happens in my life, I know that my Heart will ever bring me Home again and again.
"Consciousness creates Reality."
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