Monday, January 17, 2011

Let the Heart Lead the Head in the Dance of Love

Allow the Heart to Romance the Head

There is no small offering for love
For she will burn you through and through
Until you let go of trying to lead
Until you realize she is the life itself
And all elements bend to her delight
And all you can really do is surrender
All you can really allow is the falling
Feel the ecstasy that comes with sacrifice
Melt in the arms of this realization
And she will offer you everything in return
She will offer you the sun and the moon
For what are they but specks of dust to her
She will fill your cup with oceans
For what are they but drops of Eternity
She will light up the night with diamond stars
For what are they but sparks of Limitlessness
You have leapt into this existence with longing
And she has pierced you through and through
Until in that writhing pain you surrender duality
Finally in this merging you become One
© Ganga Fondan, 2011
Working on this post today, while contemplating the words of the quote below, I suddenly had a strange recollection of a movie that had upset me terribly as a young girl. It was the story of a young American who follows his friend back to the Polynesian Islands and falls madly in love with his friend's sister there. After a series of disasters, the local volcano begins to erupt threatening the lives of everyone in the village. A heart wrenching decision by the leaders of the village require her to sacrifice her life by leaping into the volcano. They believe this will appease the gods. The young American begs her to run away with him, but eventually she decides to follow her heart to the top of the volcano. I remember staring at the screen, crying my eyes out, angry with her, with the villagers, with him for not taking her away...and she jumped. Even as I write this, tears are welling up in my eyes. It was such an intense act of love, of selflessness even though she was terrified to do it. She loved the American yet a deeper cause called out to her. Why she would choose to die perplexed me for a long time.
Years later I would meet someone who tells me he has just relapsed with a fatal disease. I look into his eyes and see a man of substance. Every fiber of my being says he is a fighter and he will win his fight. There are moments that call out to us and require a great leap of faith. Many of my friends and family questioned my desire when I chose to marry him but my heart had already fallen in love and was willing to do anything to serve that love. There was not a single doubt in my mind although I did feel frightened of what he would have to endure and that I might lose him. I don't regret a single moment of entering into that love with him. It continues in a profound way even now. I feel him in everything around me and he remains the champion of my heart. There are so many things we will never understand in this life, but if we remember to keep dancing with the heart, find the wonder and beauty in everything that exists in and around us, we will live a life of enchantment and romance. As my Teacher so eloquently puts it:

“This life is a dance between your mind and your Consciousness. It is a romance only if Consciousness leads.” – Tulshi Sen

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Even the Ruins Now Sing Me Their Song

Even the Ruins Now Sing

The memory still dances in my head like a song
A new kingdom called from above the clouds
The thunderous sound of hooves took you away
When finally my eyes lowered to explore about me
Everything had tumbled and fallen
Everything needed rebuilding
But I felt no strength for the task
Emptied and swollen had no heart to reconstruct
Now many years later in this same place of ruins
A new image emerges:
Flowers bloom on every torn down wall
Now each broken stone entices me over and over
That I may keep focused on the renewing sky
That it may show me how this dream continues
In everything I AM
This Immortal love song aches to continue

© Ganga Fondan, 2011: "Song of the Ruins"

It's amazing to me how past experiences can be revisited with new eyes, with a more receiving heart and offer to us a new place of transformation. This dream referred to in the above poem actually happened a few months after my lover left this world. I saw him on a great horse and he was leaving, promising to return for me one day. Turning around finally, I had to face the world feeling very alone. Everything seemed to be like a broken down fortress and I didn't feel the desire to start building my world again. Instead, I wanted to overcome the loss and have the freedom to run away at any time. My Teacher kept reminding me that one day I would experience great joy again. Deep inside I knew it was so, but this remained just a flicker in the unfolding years to come. One of the greatest tools given to me was the practice of the Four Proclamations. Through these four declarations, it is possible to overcome a sense of aloneness and separateness from the world around us. Though I have always trusted in the ways of the Universe, there were so many times when I felt apart from this Unity I so ached to feel. With the daily focus on the Ancient Teachings, the paradigms of my mind had strengthened in ways I could not even recognize until recently when I went back to the dream I had all those years ago. Suddenly I saw how all the hardships had helped me to see more of the sky. The broken down structures had offered themselves to give me a greater view of my connection with the limitless aspect of myself. Suddenly what was once a dark and empty place, now blooms with flowers and possibility. I can stand there in that place and feel connected to my love. I can look up into the night and know with every fiber of my being that there is no separation and that there is no lack. I practice every day to remind myself. The dawn of joy slowly rises within me and I feel the ecstatic parts of myself awakening again.

“Isn’t it madness to live in a conditioned world while you know that your Consciousness is always in the Absolute and in the Unconditioned?” – Tulshi Sen

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Grant Me the Courage to Shine in that Light

A Time to Leave the Shadow Dancing

I was in love with your fearlessness
I danced with abandon in your shadow
and celebrated your victories
I was in love with your audacity
I danced with abandon in your shadow
and marvelled at all your desires
You wore a great mask of bravery
which you tossed aside in fear
when you saw the maskmaker coming
You ran away
I didn't know why
The maskmaker said one day I would understand
Now I dance alone
in the heart of the Universe
I feel a light on my face
Your gift to me has been this calling out
to leave the shadows and experience my bliss

Song "The Invitation" © Ganga Fondan, 2009
Image: "Leave the Shadow Dancing, © Ganga Fondan 2009

This song is dedicated to all the people audacious enough to feign courage, to all the people I hid behind when I thought I had nothing to offer. They are the ones who shrank when it was time to pay the piper, but in their slinking away forced to remain and face the Truth. Of course I felt mystified and overwhelmed. I felt angry and hurt. How could I know that they would never stay during the upheaval that eventually came? Of course I cried like a baby and wanted to run far away from my life again. But I didn't did I? This time I didn't run. This time I turned to face what I felt so terrified to look at. While striving to feel unity with everything and everyone, I forgot one important factor. These challenges come as gift to the spirit. These disappointments and disillusionments come with a boon. It's not obvious at first, but standing alone in that light is the opportunity for an authentic experience. What have I come to sing in this life? What has love revealed to me through the trials and victories of my days? Has my years of slavery to my conditioning shown me exemplary strengths within myself that may now serve a higher purpose? Chills run up and down my spine. A new tension fills my body, but a still quiet voice inside my heart whispers "Let go". This song is for all those who threw their masks down and ran so that I would ache to know the meaning of true courage. I embrace this moment for them and their moments to come in facing that light.

"All the power that ever was or will be is here in you right now." - Tulshi Sen