Sunday, August 30, 2009

Great Sacred Dance of the Fool

Sacred Dance of the Fool

The Sacred Dance of the Fool

There is only One Beloved
In the wholeness of everything I Am
My fool heart dances in that knowing
My fool heart dances in that knowing

And my life becomes alive and animated
in a storm that rages all around
In Him there is no sound
In Him there is no sound

Then the world attempts to give me safety
To lean on crutches made of something
In Him there is a grander Nothing
In Him there is a grander Nothing

All around me are the lure of treasures
Made of earth in sweet decay
In Him there is a new sun rising
In Him there is a new sun rising

I play the game of hide and seek
Bury my head and come up for air
In Him I know He’s always there
In Him I know He’s always there

And how far away my dances take me
Until weary boned I feel alone
In Him I know that I Am Home
In Him I know that I Am Home

Ganga Fondan, 2009

Jotting down the beginnings of a poem in a coffee shop today I think about how we get so caught up in our chosen dramas until life gives us a little shake and reminds us that we are shooting a great movie here and will be asked to leave the stage at some point. The Great Beloved Creator draws all things back to One.

Reviewing the inventory of choices that have been on my plate lately I still marvel at how many times I get caught up in the heated dance of the external circumstances. In Chapter 10 of "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World", (A book of principles which my whole heart is determined to master this lifetime) my Teacher explains that by constantly looking back towards the cause which created a circumstance we find the reason. He draws a circle and shows how we tend to focus on the outline of the circle (circumstances) and forget that there is an Invisible centre that is radiating the entire circle we see. By diving into the centre of our thoughts we find the clue to changing the external circumstances around us. He writes:

"The relative must have an Absolute. Without an Absolute you cannot have a relative. There cannot be an outside without an Inside and there cannot be an Inside without an outside. We live all the time in two worlds, the Visible and the In-Visible. The visible is the effect and the In-Visible is the cause. The In-Visible is the Thought and the visible is the thing."

That sounds so simple. Just focus on the thought you want to have. Yet, how many times does the mind make decisions based on the exisitng bank account, job security, past experience and "whamooooo".... the decision to reach beyond our present physical means is rejected. The circumference keeps us trapped and we recreate our limitations over and over. I know this scenario all too well. It stares me in the face very often. I suddenly see the "great sacred dance of the fool" in this process. Reaching back to the Absolute or "Beloved" is my focus as I scribble some notes into my notebook:

"My circumstances do not make me.
My thoughts make me and my circumstances.
Where is my thought coming from?
Where is my thought coming from?
Where is my thought coming from?

When I was a little girl, I believed that God was this older white-haired kind of ghostly man figure that was everywhere all the time and He loved everybody. As I got older, somehow I began to believe that I had to do an awful lot to please that God so that I wouldn't be punished and sent to who knows where. I believed that He was compassionate but he also had alot of rage when He felt displeased. Over the years I realized how I had projected such human qualities into a deity. I did not realize that my perception of the Almighty was so limited and puny. Who am I to say I know That which created me? It is beyond the brain. How can the mind quantify and qualify beyond time and space and beyond every possible limitation? Yet I experience such reverence and love for That which created me and still continues to guide me in thought, word and deed.

This loving and mysterious "Limitlessness" becomes the center of my circle. The place where songs and poetry and romance come from. The mind needs training to remain vigilent and to not get lost in the circumference of life. I return to my tools of meditation and visioning again and again. I remember that every thought is a seed like an acorn already containing an oak tree. My Teacher says:

"Every thought is alive with the thing it manifests."

Looking around the coffee shop I see many dramas of life being discussed. Animated conversations of students, divorcees, grandmothers and business men create a single wave of flowing sound. This is the sound of the fool who comes here to dance and experiment, to discover and lose, to unfold and find the truth of life again. I look around me and think of Narayan. When he left this world, both his passport and driver's license remained in his sock drawer in our apartment. I would look at it and laugh sometimes because these cannot possibly explain who he was or is. Yet clearly there is a name and a date of birth and a handsome picture of a face on this earthly identification. I still haven't tossed them out because I choose to play the role of his beloved and our life here was such a part of the wonder of our togetherness. I still choose the sacred dance that knows we love each other forever.

I choose to dive deeper and deeper into myself. I want to master the principles of living a powerful and abundant life. It requires daily practice. I remind myself again and again of my Teacher's words:

"If your dream seems achievable then it is not a Vision but a to-do list".

It's ok to be a dancing fool. The Love that made me has a great sense of humor.


Friday, August 28, 2009

All I Ever Need is in My Heart

The Heart Contains All We Ever Need

"Night-time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
helpless to resist the notes I write
for I compose the music of the night

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender
turn your face away
from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
and listen to the music of the night

Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before
Close your eyes
Let your spirit start to soar
and you’ll as you’ve never lived before

Softly, deftly,
music shall caress you
hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind,
let your fantasies unwind,
in this darkness that you know
you cannot fight -
the darkness of the music
of the night

let your mind start a journey
through a strange, new world!
Leave all thoughts
of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you
where you long to be
only then can you belong to me

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me,
Savor each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of the music of the night...

You alone can make my song take flight -
help me make the music of the night."

- Andrew Lloyd Webber, "Music of the Night"

Listening to this song from "Phantom of the Opera" over and over last night, it felt as though my thoughts were going through a cleansing of sorts. Ever since I can remember there was always a battle going on in my mind whether it was the forces of good and evil, light and dark, angels and demons. Both my religious and scientific training always tried to caution me about going the right way, the better way and the safe way. This influenced many of my life decisions to avoid the pitfalls and to just go the opposite way. What kind of choosing is that?

While shaping new paint images on on my digital canvas, my memory brought into focus a conversation with a new friend of mine. We were talking about love. She asked me what the opposite of love was. Without missing a beat, an answer came right out of my mouth.

"Love has no opposite. It is before the beginning and after the end of opposites."

We both stood there looking at each other and smiling. I remember that silence.

Last night's teleseminar with Tulshi Sen was called: "How Can I Believe I Can Have Whatever I Can Vision?". He emphasizes again and again that our capacity to imagine is our greatest power. When we start to calculate our dreams then we are not really visioning. When we are vying for safety then we are deluding ourselves because even the richest man has no safety. What if he becomes ill or loses all his money? My Teacher reiterated that all the riches and romance comes as a consequence when we have raised out own belief capacity. He said our "intention will always equal our reliance on Consciousness". Wow. His talks always stir me on the deepest level. Later, he recited a few lines from "Music of the Night" which I felt compelled to listen to for hours after the call. Of course then my digital tools came out to experience what I was feeling.

This song had always haunted me a bit because of my understanding of the "darker side". Now for the first time, I looked at it as the "Unknown" or the "NoThing" from which everything springs forth. What if "darkest dreams" were only those which had not been uncovered yet or had light shed on them yet. I had worn my YinYang earrings during the day and thought about the symbol of the white color in the black and the black color in the white. Isn't creation simply drawing forth from the darkness into the light over and over? We get so mesmerized by what has been created, we forget to draw from the well again and again. This is a great challenge of our time. I remember Tulshi Sen had said that everything around us: the computer, the lightswitch, the guitar, the clock on the wall, the clothes I wear are "all an embodiment of human imagination". He also said that nowadays many "efforts and apirations are stunted by the height of the belief level of a person".

For me this journey is getting more exciting and fantastic all the time. Oh I fall on my face here and there and feel frustrated, but so what? Diving back and forth from "what is already" and "what has not yet been" creates a most thrilling life. My mind finds new ways to embrace and draw from the mystery of this strange new world. All I need or ever will need is already in my Heart. There is my greatest strength. What is there to fear?

"Love has no opposite. It is before the beginning and after the end of opposites."

Knowing that is true Freedom.
"Get Real" takes on a whole new meaning now.

Sending smiles across the miles,

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Came an Elephant in the Garden at Night...

Came an Elephant into the Garden at Night

At first there was music…
In the darkness of the garden
Came an elephant
I know not from when or where
But he appeared one night out of the breeze
Exactly when I needed a friend in my thoughts
Giant he was with playful gait
He reached out his trunk and I held his head
I held on there releasing all my sadness
I held on there releasing everything inexpressible
And I knew he could take it
I knew he was invincible to my grief
I could not crush this mighty form
As I held on to him I saw great pictures
Of kings and rajas on his back
I saw the timeless kingdoms passing
But now was a moment just for me
I let go and ran my hands along his fine head
His skin felt thick and energy filled
Joy rushed through my body
My hands felt a wonderful pulsation
We sat in the grass together
Overlooking the majestic mountains of earth
Peace flooded my heart bringing courage once again.

Ganga Fondan, ‘09

This piece of art and prose is based on a Vision that came to me long ago. Listening to the fifth track of Tulshi Sen's "Consciousness Rising" a phenomenal piece of meditation music, a great and beautiful elephant approached and brought me strength and patience. I can never really describe the full impact of that experience but it was a poignant moment of transition and growth for me. It always amazes me what I learn about the force of imagination and its precious and necessary influence in the process of creating our lives. I never understood the significance of this faculty before.

I begin to see the value of stretching my imagination in all directions to explore my true thoughts and feelings about life. My challenge sometimes enters in when I wonder what I have to do to get what I really want. How much life will it suck out of me because my contracted mind often still feels hardwired to the fact that the bigger the dream the heavier the price tag for it. Singing and creating artwork helps me spend hours at a time concentrating in an expanded state. After hours of experiencig the creative flow, everything seems so accessible and easy again. I feel energized and trust that my heart will open doors for me again and again.

In last week's teleseminar, my teacher, Tulshi Sen talked about raising your belief level and that this cannot be done with the mind. We have to transcend the mind and reach for a higher region of of life. We must look beyond the past and see something new for ourselves. When we can feel something new, breathe it, taste it, touch it, embrace it, hear it, and know it then it is already there for us.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night's call. It is another generous freebee from the one who has helped elevate my life to heights that seemed impossible long ago. Step by step my heart moves me forward. Come and join the call:

Part 2 - You Cannot Raise Yourself Above Your Belief Level
Date: Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Time: 7:00 p.m. Pacific Time (10:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time)
Dial in Phone Number: 1-218-862-1300

Conference Code: 302937

(This teleseminar ia a prelude to the upcoming appearances in both Vancouver this September and and Toronto in November.)

Like the elephant experience that I expressed above, there was a phenomenal impact on my state of mind from the image that came. Where did that image come from? I cannot say. Many say that other worlds are communicating with us all the time. Others say that the power of imaginary interaction can feel real but is a psychological effect of the mind. I can't say one way or the other. All I know is that this experience helped me to release pent up feelings and receive waves of generous love throughout my whole body.

I know I want to raise my belief level even more. Someday I hope to pass on these tools for meditation and visioning in the same way I have received them. So many people around me everyday are so sick of their jobs and so tired of the day to day hassles. Many of them cannot survive a work day without coffee to keep them going during and a drink and smoke to make it through the night. They just want to be home and crash in front of the TV or computer and just forget about the day. They dread the morning already and just want to lose themselves a bit.

That used to be me. I realized there is so much more to experience. I know why we feel backed into a corner at times with no way out. No one has nurtured the greater faculties within us. Now the tools are available to do so.

The time has come to wake up. If not now, when?


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Come Join Me on "Imagination Street"

There's A Place I Can Go to Every Day

"There's a place I can go to every day
So easy to get to and not so far away
A place of real creativity
I call it Imagination Street

I just close my eyes and flow into a dream
I walk a road with a slate that's wiped clean
I carry a palet and a color scheme
on Imagination Street

This is a new generation
All of the old rules melt away
Inside an open mind
there is beauty every day
Oh Creator within me please make sure
to keep these aspirations pure
On Imagination Street

There's a place I can go to every day
So easy to get to and not so far away
A place of peace and prosperity
Where you release my creativity
On Imagination Street
On Imagination Street
On Imagination Street..."

Ganga Fondan, 2000

I remember when this song came. Everything was starting to click and my life was beginning to experience huge bursts of fantastic joy again. My heart wanted to write song after song and at that time my Teacher, Tulshi Sen, encouraged me to open the floodgates and express everything I was feeling. I had never been able to access that kind of flow before. Grief suddenly became episodes of fantastic joy.
Tonight a digital art picture expresses this feeling to remind me of my journey again. Nowadays children's minds are so stifled with useless information that we must offer them every tool to activate their creative urges and take control of their thinking. The power of imagination is crucial to shape a powerful and beautiful future. It is a faculty every child is born with in unlimited amounts.

I remember in my own life how vividly my brother and I used to play our childhood games of "let's pretend" and we would be lost in our imagination for hours. We used to role play with costumes and accents and enemies. Our poor dog never knew what was happening. We would be running away from pirates or travelling in a spaceship to the moon or riding on the wagon train in the wild west. He would be wagging his tail and barking at the phantoms with us. The surprising truth is that we used very few toys to occupy ourselves with. The vacuum cleaner was a great motor, piles of blankets and odd shaped wood pieces our furniture.

Somehow over the years while attending school and growing up, I began to suppress that desire to activate my imagination. Those years involved alot of memory work and repetition. The odd writing assignment would excite me but somehow I lost faith in that kind of creativity as being valuable and necessary for my freedom to think in this world. It became more useful to memorize facts and listen to what the experts had to say. There was never a time when I did not listen to the radio or crave to watch television to escape a growing emptiness inside. Looking back at that time, I now believe that many of my anxieties and physical ailments were partly due to lack of creative expression.

Then, after years of searching for a way to fill the hole in my life, I met a teacher who would challenge me to use my imagination again. He would challenge me to ask myself over and over why I do the things that I do. Why do I wear the clothes that I wear? Why do I listen to the music I do? What or who do I think God is? Where did that idea come from? Why do I want to have a certain amount of income? How do I want to make my living? These questions all required tremendous stretching. Some answers eluded me while others began to open the "Aha chakra". Much of what I did and believed was taught to me by others. It was not through direct experience that these ways of seeing the world became mine. What a wake-up call.

It was very hard to change and know what was true for me. My mind would chatter on and on and I did not know what I truly deserved to feel in my heart and experience with my life. Stretching my mind and learning to trust what my heart was telling me felt excruciatingly painful at times. Meditation and chanting helped me to remain peaceful and the visioning tools helped to activate my imagination and seek out audacious new possibilites for myself. Like relearning to walk there was a lot of stumbling and falling. Over the years, all I wanted to do was write songs and keep the aspiration alive in my heart. It was the only way to really feel and hold on to what I was learning inside. Singing over and over for many years these songs made me stronger and stronger and revamped the wonder of imagination in my world. This time the imagination would help to build the life of my dreams.I get closer and closer all the time. I remember to see the destination but revel in the journey itself.

Now I begin to recognize how the 21st century information saturates our children's minds with so much excess, I wonder how they will be able to cope in an increasingly competitive world. I wonder who will stand for them and protect their right to think the thoughts that they want to think. It begins with each of us getting in touch with who we are in relationship to the whole. That is why I feel so passionate about what I have learned through direct experience. That is why I sing and blog and create this message over and over. It becomes stronger within me and others who are taking charge of their lives. We must set the example for the next generation. We must assert for ourselves the power of imagination. As my Teacher so clearly writes:

"When you have trained your mind to realize that whatever you have imagined is your reality regarless of the external conditions, then only will it accept, then only can you dwell in your Imagination and bring in the mighty focus of concentration and form your Vision." (Chapter 20: Four Steps to Visioning)

Then we can truly imagine the world we want to live in and create it. Then we will know that anything is possible. Then we will know how to guide the younger generation to the tools that will build a prosperous and wonderful future. Then we will know in our heart that nothing is impossible.

Remember to ask yourself why you do the things you do. Journal the answers and learn about yourself and who you really are. Believe me there is no journey more exciting than the one we take inward.

"When I close my eyes and I see how things will be
That image sets me free
and only then do I see
there is still so much joy inside of me
inside of me on Imagination Street."

Dare to dream the impossible.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Legend of Our Journey Carries On

Letting Love Light the Way

"I race across the Universe to find you
exploding every color on my way
In this blossoming of life I know I’m closer
than I was on any other given day

I sing out every note in expectation
so the stars and moon and sun will hear
and every evening is the dawning of my knowing
your essence then will always feel me crystal clear

It is not the past that ever keeps me driving forward
nor the flesh and handsome body that I knew
but the sweetness of your wonder love inside me
that keeps me strong and moving like I do

In the journey of this longing there’s a feeling
that this purpose ever leads us both as One
so I let go of always needing to define it
as the legend of our journey carries on."

Ganga Fondan, ‘09

For the longest time, I've been wondering if by loving Narayan the way I still do, I could somehow get stuck in the memory of the past and not live in the present here and now. That is why for the last few years I rarely expressed outwardly how much he is still a part of me. Other people encourage me to date men and not let my past keep me from living a complete and full life. I've been sitting with this lately. I've been wondering what to do with my emotions about him. It's been eleven years since he passed away and I can still close my eyes and feel the instant I first fell in love with him. I hear the song that was playing when we celebrated our first union. I still remember our last too. He insisted a day before his third and final hip replacement operation that we make love and how I resisted because I wanted him to save his strength. He looked into my eyes and I knew a monumental moment was happening. Afterwards he whispered into my right ear: "Never forget how much I love you." That whisper still echoes with the same intensity in this very moment. How can I ever forget?

I close my eyes and reach for my favorite book of answers. It has never failed me yet. I close my eyes and ask the question about what to do with these feelings. If it is ok to dive deeply into them as joyfully as I do? Does all this stop me from moving forward? I place the book reverently against my forehead and ask to be shown a way through this. I open my copy of "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World" to the following quote:

"Consciousness does not get caught up with circumstances and conditions. Consciousness easily transcends all adverse circumstances, not by changing present conditions, but by creating a new Vision." (from Chapter 8: Why Can't We Hold a Vision and Manifest the Vision)

I sit with this for a while. The digital artpiece on this blog begins to shape itself while I think. Colors and forms change over and over while I play with the controls of the computer program. Hours go by. The piece is done. Staring into the image, the poetry pours out. I only need to feel and listen. Let go. My mind reads the words over and over as I stare into the picture. How do we transcend our circumstances without changing the conditions but by creating a new Vision? Suddenly there is a feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff. I stare at the supernatural chariot that the Goddess and her attendant fly through the air with. They are not looking back but reaching forward with a knowing that their mission drives them forward. The Unknown beckons them to reach for all there is.

Narayan and I in our Oneness realized something so beautiful and timeless. It calls to me in every bird singing, in every face smiling and ocean wave rolling in. I breathe it in every morning and feel it alive when composing. It is beyond the love of man and woman. That was the foundation. I hear Narayan's voice urging me to look deeper into my heart and see complete fulfillment of my quest there. I know that what I seek will find me. I do not need to be in control. I can explore every passionate feeling of love and experience ecstasy. Narayan is not in the past. He is here with me typing these precious words into the computer. He is still whispering into my ear: "Never forget how much I love you".

The Vision unfolds every moment. I only need to feel it and see it. I do not need to know it. It is done. I'm smiling as I write these words. The world has never been able to show me what to do. My quest ever leads me onward. My heart is open and my mind is relieved. The words of St. Paul echo through my thoughts:

"And be ye not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." (Romans 12:2)

I read the words of this blog once more before posting. I suddenly remember Narayan's final moment in his body and how his breathing slowed and then stopped. In that silence there was a leaping. In that Unknown was a liberation and victory. Every person around him could feel it. There was joy permeating every cell of our being. That is the Eternity that ever moves my life and where I place my utmost and complete trust. In That we are forever One.


PS I think its curious that the attendant travels with the Goddess. It is the first time that this element comes into an artpiece. I wonder if my mind is acknowledging that it is a servant of the heart?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Allow the World to Offer Itself to You

"The World Will Offer Itself to You..."

"You do not need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Do not even listen, simply wait.
Be quiet, still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked.
It has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Franz Kafka

With the above quote, my Teacher ended the telephone conference call yesterday. He reminded us about the value of focussing on the vision of the heart and releasing the limitations of the locked up mind. It needs the freedom to focus and bring to the forefront the desired image in order to do its part to bring it forth. Wanting to create a way to remember this lesson, I switched on the computer. Resisting sleep, my head and heart danced with the above image until 3:00am. Listening to "Consciousness Rising -Music of the Cosmos", my body fell into a deep sleep.

Today the Kafka quote echoes in my head. I watch the hustle and bustle of the Toronto streets around me. Everyone trying to rush somewhere, go somewhere, move something, buy something, attain something, avoid something. Mothers with baby strollers rush past me. There is no time to let the babies walk for themselves. I glance up at the highrises around me. There are new ones being built all the time. Moving, rennovating, building, designing, constructing, shaping... we reach out and marvel at our achievements. We try the latest fashion, food or fad. We watch the movies, know the tv shows and listen to i-pods wherever we go. Informing, stimulating, gathering, learning, analysing, comparing, measuring....

Still the Kafka quote echoes in my head.
"You do not need to leave your room..."

I open a random book in a bookstore. The sentence reads.."One in twenty-five people are clinically depressed." I put the book down and walk over to the coffee shop and spy a young woman flipping desperately through a stack of magazines. I wonder if she is looking for a particular article. She absent mindedly sips her coffee and keeps flipping. While sipping my tea slowly, my eyes wander and gaze around the room. People are talking on cellphones, chatting with others or working on something in front of them. Everyone is busy...

"Remain sitting at your table and listen."

I breathe in all the way into my belly and feel it inflate.

I breathe out again.

I think about my belly-button.

What's it for now?

I was once attached to my mother's body.

"Do not even listen, simply wait."

My imagination opens and I see myself laughing and completely carefree. I see the ocean. Waves roll in and out of the horizon. I feel my toes in the warm wet sand and the occaisonal wave cools my feet. I hear the seagulls crying joyfully above me. They dive and soar with ease and grace. I see children laughing and playing on the beach.

"Be quiet still and solitary"

I think about my belly button again.

The great fourteenth century poet Kabir once once wrote:

"He who cared for you while you were yet in your mother's womb.
Shall He not care for you now that you are come forth?"

I think about Kafka's words again.

"The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet."

Filled with a sense of peace now, I feel my feet walking on the earth of the city. I make eye contact with some of the people passing by and many smile back at me. The warmth of the sun feels good on my face. A slight breeze blows my hair.

This freedom stays with me until the night. I feel rich. I lie down on my bed. I fold my hands behind my head, cross my legs and stare out the window. A breeze comes in through the open window and caresses my face. I feel the sounds of the night melt into one harmonious symphony. I see the endless sky so dark and beautiful. Everything whispers to me to stay perfectly still. My heart beats with elated anticipation.

Sweet dreams,

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Raise your Belief Level and Transcend the Mind

"You Don't Get What You Want, You Get What You Are" - Tulshi Sen

"Gazing into your eyes for a brief moment I seize my freedom
Just as quickly as it comes,
the mind shuts down with feelings of pain
The pang of feeling separate invades my thoughts
Aching to touch your mind with my own
Aching to feel your heart with my own
Tears offer both cleansing and suffocation
In and around me
Desperate to return
The blossoming comes
No more a wife
No more a widow
No more a woman
The Goddess appears
She opens herself
She blooms in glory of the beginning
She forms herself into the shape of a key
And opens my heart
In awe and reverence the mind bows low
And forms within itself the Vision of Her
And She becomes the Way and the Substance
She becomes the Light and the Song
Until Joy brings Freedom effortlessly"

Ganga Fondan, 2009

Today I met a beautiful woman in her seventies who like me under very similar circumstances lost her soul mate at a young age and had to rebuild her life. Unlike me she had three daughters to raise and for the last 30 years has not let go of the idea of depending on them and her husband’s shadow to find happiness. She yearns now to expand and transform this paradigm. Her mind is locked in a limited idea of what is still possible for her to experience and express in this life. I told her about the tools I discovered and use on my journey and invited her to tomorrow night’s event:

You are welcome to join 21st century business innovator and creativity expert Tulshi Sen for a live no charge teleseminar where he discusses his insights and offers cutting edge methods for unlocking the padlock of the mind and creating the life you really want to experience:

Part 1 - You Cannot Raise Yourself Above Your Belief Level
Date: Thursday, August 20th, 2009
Time: 7:00 p.m. Pacific Time (10:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time)
Dial in Phone Number: 1-218-862-1300

Conference Code: 302937

This teleseminar ia a prelude to the upcoming appearances in both Vancouver this September and and Toronto in November.

I can only say that what he has taught me has literally transformed every aspect of my life. The substance of the tools he uses have been used for thousands of years. They are transformational keys that turned very ordinary people into exceptional visionaries and creatives. Having extensive experience in the self-help industry, I know firsthand what others are doing to help themselves become more in tune with their own lives. Learning to meditate and calm the daily mind chatter is explored by so many today. Journaling, painting and finding your own ways to express yourself helps as well. For some praying helps. For others chanting and singing helps. So far in all my experience, no one teacher has been able to penetrate the 21st century mindset and implement far reaching longlasting internal changes like Tulshi Sen. His methods reach the very root of ones character and challenges us on a very personal level to declare our own freedom to create and express our lives without relying on any outward assurance. He nurtures the inner assurance.

He opens up a path so individual and Universal at the same time. Therein lies a key to the Oneness of life. In that Oneness we know ourselves in such profound ways. The mundane day to day life becomes rich and awe-inspiring. This beautiful woman I met today was a gift. She reminded me of how far my life has come in these daily realizations and she reminded me of how many people still feel trapped in a definition of themselves controlled by others and their environment. Just this morning I had a conversation with a brilliant man who came to this country with higher education and has been rejected by the opportunities he sought. At some point in his life he gave up. The knowledge he has is so necessary in our world today but he does not see it and I cannot make him see. His gift to me is to continue to seek out those who like me were ready to expand and grow and see more of themselves.

I still have a long way to go on this journey. It's not a cakewalk. It takes time, honesty and commitment to being true to yourself. Nowadays we have so many distractions to tempt us away from what our heart really wants to experience. Financially, romatically and even physically we want to thrive and live abundantly. These teachings open us up to that inheritance in endless and limitless ways.

My Teacher says:

"Raise your belief level and raise the cup of your life
to the Universe and say I am going to be successful.
I am going to be rich, no matter how deep in debt I am in today.
I am going to love life and get intoxicated with life.
I will raise my cup of life everyday.
Yes, it will not be a fantasy. It will become my reality."


Monday, August 17, 2009

"Do it as an Offering to Me" - Bhagavad Gita


"I did not come here to be small and fit in
I came to uplift and bring to higher ground
I did not come to be burdened down
But to deliver strength from the Unknown
The Unseen
The Unheard
The Un-named
I did not come here to fill myself to the rim
But to bow and pour the abun-”dance”
I did not come to establish banners or kingdoms
I came here as a nation builder
For the great Imagination
For the Dreams aching to express
For the coming generations of children
To sing them the Unreachable Songs"

Ganga Fondan, 2009

Listening to Schubert's "Ave Maria" I think tonight of my grandmother. I blogged about ther a while back and it seems she is with me somehow encouraging me from the depth of my feelings of love for life. She was such a gifted musician and composer. Conservatory trained with a passion for opera, she possessed a romantic and gigantic whimsical spirit. She left her dream of a career in music to marry her true love and raise a family and attend to the duties of a wife and mother. She endured the war and its hardships and overcame many personal challenges with grace and strength. Physically she was half my size but when she sat at the piano her stature became enormous and her tiny fingers danced and stretched with lightness and ease. Her aging voice remained sweet and powerful and emotional.

We never saw eachother often...perhaps the equivalent of a full year. The distance between Canada and Germany was a long flight and expensive. I didn't need much time to know that she was someone who saw me and recognized the depth of expression I yearned for. My manerisms were shy and awkward and she had a gentleness about her that put me at ease. She shared with me some of her musical compostions which I repeated timidly on the piano. She remained patient and uplifting. We would watch movies together and discuss them at length afterwards. Sometimes she laughed so hard like a little girl. She encouraged me to see the romance in life, to dive deep into love in its many forms and to honor the Divine in my own way. In one of her last letters she wrote:

"Vor allem, bleibe du nur ...Du"
("Before everything..., remain true to yourself.")

I wonder what she loved about Schubert's "Ave Maria". The piano piece was her style and she loved the simple songs very much. She was not particularly religious and I do not remember having a conversation about Mary ever. Was it the idea of asking the Universal Mother for help? Was it the idea of trusting in something greater than oneself and knowing that every hardship would be lifted? Was it the theme of keeping a pure heart? I've been listening to it over and over tonight.

I feel so grateful that my mother was born in the womb of this woman who was my grandmother. My mother has been one of my best teachers because despite being different in so many ways, not being able to see eye to eye on many things, it is my mother's heart and constant desire to grow herself that always brings us back together and celebrate a true friendship. I think of her too as I listen to this song. It seems to wash all the excess trivial details away from my life and focus on what is really important. The faith and Vision of the young girl praying with crystal clarity lifts my soul to calmness.

And so this short poem arises in the pauses between the notes of an exquisite musical composition. It pours out effortlessly and honestly from the depth of my Being. I remember my Teacher describes this process in "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World":

"The Infinite is the Absolute and the Infinite is your Consciousness. Sometimes, in moments of bliss you may get a touch of Infinitude from the intoxication of Imagination: that is when your Imagination has climbed above the edge of conditions."

In moments like these I feel the purpose of what I came here for. In moments like these there is no doubt or rejection of the very idea. In moments like these there is no wondering of how everything will be accomplished. In moments like these there is only love of the Divine.

In moments like these there is only song. There is always song.


Friday, August 14, 2009

Welcome to the Home of My Songworld

Growing A Garden of Songs from the Sea

"She was the single artificer of the world
In which she sang. And when she sang, the sea,
Whatever self it had, became the self
That was her song, for she was the maker. Then we,
as we beheld her striding there alone,
Knew that there never was a world for her
Except the one she sang and, singing, made."

-Wallace Stevens, "The idea of Order at Key West"

I found this quote in my shirt pocket today. It is a piece from a longer poem which hints at the idea that we create our world through the "sea" or Consciousness. At the same time I'm reading chapter six of "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World" written by Tulshi Sen. The chapter is entitled "The Everyday Magic of Creating from No-Thing."

One of the most difficult challenges of my life was coming to terms with possibly losing Narayan. Before I came across the "Ancient Secrets of Success" teachings, I could not foresee any joy in life if he left this world. Loving him filled my existence with a feeling of connection and romance. I felt afraid that my life would return to running away and suffocating pain, a pattern which had helped me survive earlier loss. I did not realize then that his leaving would teach me one of the greatest lessons the human heart can reach for: self-love.

It was my Teacher who assured me that I would feel great joy again. Earlier, he taught both Narayan and me how to let go of attachment in love and reach for a greater experience. Through meditations and visioning, Narayan and I began to let go and the intensity of our love expanded. He honored me in every way imaginable and I was able to let him have the space he needed to prepare for his journey. We began to trust that love itself would never lead us astray. Outside in the physical world the medical storms continued, but we remained poised and fearless. There were still moments of panic and anger, but these too did not rattle us. We relied only on the deep feelings that we had for one another and trusted that the source of these would guide us safely to a higher purpose. Even in the last sacred seconds of life in Narayan's physical body, surrounded by family and friends, this love embraced us all and permeated the room itself with joy and elation. I was ready to trust with my whole heart that Narayan's journey was a call to a higher mission.

Then came the years of singing and writing alone. Filled with the romantic songs of past visionaries and poets, dancers and sages, my heart poured out feelings in melodies of transformation and wonder. Around me the mundane world was preoccupied with the day to day trivialities while my heart soared into worlds that had no suffering and no greed. There was only beauty and joy ringing in the Universe. Singing became my refuge and place of healing and listening inside. Songwriting became a way to reach for a new state of mind and endless possibilities. Of course my life still threw giant curveballs into my days and my mind often resisted with thoughts of worry and doubt. But the songs made me stronger inside. The meditations I learned from my Teacher brought stillness and the undeniable urge to create and express everything my heart aspired to. Suddenly singing brought painting and drawing and digital artwork.

The truly amazing fact is that my training has never been in the arts. I was a frontline customer service and sales veteran with longterm stints knocking door to door, bartending and being an airline hostess. The urge to create was so intense but I had no outlet and no self-confidence. Meditation with mantras began to change these self-imposed limitations. Visioning techniques filled me with a courage and desire to let all my feelings out. All of these transformations came from No-Thing. My reliance was on my love for Narayan and my faith in 2500 year old principles. When the student was ready, the Master came.

He writes:

"The biggest stumbling block for a successful life is dependency on conditions. That is dependency on your circumstances. You say, "If I had these conditions of wealth and connections I would be able to achieve this goal." In this scenario you are making the accomplishment of your goal dependent on certain specific conditions. Or you don't have at this time all the knowledge that you need to accomplish what you want. You have become dependent not only to the substance that you want but also to your past experience."

Although Narayan was a powerful catalyst for me to embrace great love, it was Consciousness itself showing me how much love is possible. When he left, I asked the Universe to show me the higher love beyond what I had with Narayan. And so out of Nothing came self-forgiveness and letting go. Came artistic expression of joy and self-discovery. Came all those who have gathered strength from this journey of healing and song. Out of No-Thing.

Little by little, the teachings of the Ancient Masters are becoming more natural to me. It is a challenging quest to want to know yourself. There are tears and laughter at every corner. There is a song that my Teacher used to sing to us that always made me want to get up and brush myself off and try again. It is the song "Dream the Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha, the musical. The last verse always makes me shiver with awe inside:

"And I know if I only be true,
To this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm,
When I’m laid to my rest,
And the world will be better for this,
That one man scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove with his last ounce of courage,
to reach the unreachable star."

There is not a single song written in my life that does not contain some significant seed from those words. It is the quest that drives us onward. The quest that is the question that leads home: The Place of my Songworld.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

Rejoice in the Jubilant Birdsongs

Rejoice in the Jubilation of Birds

Where is that connecting point in which the Almighty meets with the child of creation? How do we know that there is no separation between the flow of all nature and the movement of our own life? Many of us are taught a way to experience this either through science or religion or tradition. How many of us feel it beyond knowing it? Are there moments when the heart is so overfilled with radiance that only tears will ease that sensation of wanting to explode into a million pieces? Are there times when the pain of another moves us to break down ourselves? This is a feeling of Oneness. Where is the meeting point? Each of us must find a way to embrace Consciousness. Then we truly experience who we are and where we can go from here.

My own heart longs to continuously seek out meeting points with "That" which created me. During intense moments of singing, there has been an ecstatic feeling of connection. Sometimes it was fleeting but it lifted me for days. Maybe you have experienced passionate union with a lover where the climax was so intense, that you basked in your togetherness long after. The mind surrenders and Consciousness floods our day to day life with possibility and Vision. Effortlessly we focus on all the glorious dreams of our heart. We write poetry and dance. We smile at others and give generously because we feel the unlimited abundance within us. This is another way to find a meeting place with Consciousness.

Recently two events have directed me towards the songs of birds to explore more deeply this journey into Unity. In his last book "Medicine Paint" published shortly after his passing last year, Dale Auger, a profound and gifted aboriginal artist from Canada reveals that the "Winged Ones" give us messages from beyond and are also a symbol of inner expression and voice. As I stared into his paintings on each page, tears of recognition came pouring down my face. I felt the Truth of his ideas. He painted in complete communion with that "Meeting Point" and drew forth the wisdom from that place. In one picture, he invokes the inner spirit in a painting of a small bird coming our of his mouth. He reaches far within himself to access his Oneness. By doing so he still reaches out to me long after his physical body has made the artwork. He reaches out through timelessness and spacelessness to teach me this secret he knew through birds.

More wisdom then came through an article which discussed how the resonance of bird songs guides the buds to open up in Spring. What a profound revelation. There is still so much we need to know about the music of life. If we listen to the songs that vibrate deep within us, we will begin to feel the "Meeting Place" again and again. Just listen to the glorious call of every bird.

On this journey towards my unity with all things, the words of my Teacher echo again and again in my heart:

"Your Individual Consciousness is the same as Universal Consciousness. When you know this, your whole being is saturated with this feeling. Only then will you be able to Vision with an Unlimited mind, and physically manifest your Vision with certainty. You will know your Power and you will ask the Power, and the Power will give unfailingly; this is the secret behind the command, "Ask and Receive".

And so in this posting I humbly ask in the Name of One:

"Sing to me the Inside songs
from the Heart of the Creator
pulsating in all of life
weaving melodies
through every kingdom
conquered and unconquered
by glorious Vision
Reveal Thy sound of Oneness
through Essence
which came and assumed a body
and wrapped itself in time
and space to play
the game of lost and found

Sing to me the Inside Songs
that awaken every bud to bloom
with abandon and complete assurance
that the Sun will rise
again and again
that the sun will rise
and again
and again

Can you imagine being able to express your Truth with the clarity and power of birds that open the buds in Spring? In the harmony of all life, these have their place and I long to know them intimately within my very Self.

How do you express your joy and creative impulses?
I'd love to know. Write a comment below or send me an email.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

While Our Lion-Hearted Soul Arises...

Awakening the Lion Within

How can we make it a habit to always see the wonder around us? It seems that the more conveniences and entertainments are available, the more we miss the romance and wonder of life. How can we remind ourselves to savour the very breathe moving so generously in and out of our bodies? How can we make our lives an enchantment and live in the bliss of beauty and abundance?

One of my favorite stories from "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World" is "The Story of the Lion Cub Who Was Raised by Goats". It is an ancient tale about a baby lion who is adopted by a herd of goats and he is raised as one of them. One day he meets a lion and is awakened :

“The lion cub saw the majestic face of the Lion and then saw the reflection of that face in the pond. Then he saw his own reflection in the pond. He became still for a moment which felt like eternity, and then gave out a loud roar, “I am a Lion”. The Universe resounded with a joyful cry. I am a Lion.”

It took so many years for me to rejoice in this knowing. When I was a teenager, I felt the constant pain of feeling there was more to life yet no one could reveal to me what it was. I searched for the answer in religion. I felt no life and joy in all those places. I ran away to numb the pain with substances that would temporarily allow me to escape from what my Consciousness was aching to reveal to me. There was a whisper in the wind that beckoned me to look, but no one around me was feeling this so I thought there was something wrong with me. I ran for many years all the while learning about positive thinking and attracting what you want. Still I felt no heart in this wisdom and the only life I wanted was to be silly and laugh. I always found friends to do that with and still there was so much pain inside.

Years later, when I heard the story of the lion cub for the first time, I realized how much my goatlike existence had not prepared me for my lion-heart. How could it?
The story brought wells of tears to my eyes and I remember the great sense of relief that followed. My Teacher always encouraged us to question everythng. He said to ask yourself everyday "Why do I do the things I do"? His visioning and meditation tools are my equipment but the work is within myself. Then I see the Heart of the child is that Lion-Heart. We are the romance and wonder of this life. We forget. Now we can remember. This song came reminds me of this lesson always:

"We are begotten from the Love
Before the Beginning, there was One
Look into the eyes of a child
And feel that wondrous shining Sun

Most of our lives we live in thirst
Looking for water from those fast asleep
While our Lion-Hearted Soul arises
We find ourselves amongst the drowsy sheep

So we long for a place in the heart of a friend
In the arms of a lover, no beginning no end
We reach for a place and we never give in
'Till we remember ourselves
Oh we remember ourselves
and love conquers yet again"

This song will also be on the upcoming album.
Here's to gazing into the pond and seeing your own Soul.



Saturday, August 8, 2009

"Laughter Lightens" - Tulshi Sen

"Laughter Lightens" - Tulshi Sen

Part One
This story is unbelievable because to this day I cannot tell you how it works, just that it does and did at a time when I thought the world was just aiming one huge spit ball after another at my my life. After Narayan passed away, my days felt so very intense and overwhelming. I quit my job with the airlines because I could not deal with the day to day lineups of challenges there. After working and spending years of following my husband around hospital wards and treatments, I felt and looked worn out and about 200 years old. Totally Kaput. I didn't know who I was anymore or what I wanted. I remember one particular day so clearly. Dressed in my white terry cloth bathrobe over my favoite pyjamas,opening yet another bill and throwing it onto my bed, I felt tremendously sorry for myself. I jumped under the covers and planned to stay there all day. Then an incredible memory flooded my mind:

One night, we were gathered around my Teacher after a seminar. He was telling us that all the Power that ever was or will be is right here inside of us. He was saying that we do not need to rely on anythig outside of ourselves to make our dreams come true. With his twinkling eyes and crystal clear voice, he added that when faced with any problem in life, stand back and look at it and laugh. Laugh even if you don't feel like laughing. Then he challenged us with an experiment to try when we feel disheartened. He said to say "Cock-A-Doodle-Doo". I remember after a minute of deafening silence and puzzling looks everyone started roaring with laughter and jumping around saying "Cock-A-Doodle-Doo". I was waving my arms and imitating a rooster walk and saying it loudly to myself. I felt giddy and light.

After the memory faded, I immediately slid out from under the covers to get Narayan's guitar out of the living room. I sat back on my bed and began to strum. Half-heartedly challenging my Teacher's idea about being able to vaporize my problems, I remember thinking that this "Cock-A-Doodle Doo" would have to prove itself to me. I couldn't get any lower so my heart began to compose a way to rise out of my trouble. I cannot emphasize enough how powerful this song became in my day-to-day existence. Constantly facing feelings of lack, loneliness and purposelessness, the intention to overcome these obstacles crafted one of the greatest "depression-busters" of my life.

What I always want to emphasize in my song blog is that these songs came from the depth of my longing and shaped me from the inside. Over many years some lyrics would change or the melody was modified. I always encourage people to find their own songs. Within a single chord there are millions of possibilities to explore. You don't need to understand theory, only be willing to look into your own soul for the music. There is a voice deep within your heart that has so much to express and let out. We just have to get past all the thoughts which deny that we are unique in absolutely every way there is. Working daily with so many budding and established "Creatives" shows me this again and again.

The purpose of this posting is "Laughter Lightens". We have the power within us to vaporize the heaviness that thoughts can bury us in. The "Rooster Song of Self-Mastery" continues to carry that message. It has helped me to bravely face those things which I fear and rise above them. I know it has given many others a more light hearted look at life.

The lyrics to this song will be in my next blog as well as one other irreplacable absolutely necessary and vital song ingredient. This will be definitely be on the upcoming album.

I'll leave you with some words beautiful words of my Teacher:

"There is a secret dwelling place in our hearts.
That space is as infinite as the space outside us.
All the power of the Universe is concentrated here.
We must enter that space.
It is there we will find our belief:
Our "deserve level" beyond what it is now.
In that space outside us we do what we are told.
We are dependent on what we have and not on what we can have.
In that space in our heart we can desire what we have never desired before
but always wanted to.
It is here in this space in our heart
all desires are fulfilled
and we confidently await for its manifestation"

No one can enter that space for us. We are the explorers. We are given tools and the rest is up to each and every one of us. Oh..and when it gets riduculously hard and bumpy or easy breezy,don't forget to laugh. (Cock-A-Doodle-Doo!)


Thursday, August 6, 2009

Sing and Soar Ever Heartward

Soaring Back to the Heart of Life

I have a few friends who are having an incredibly hard time right now. Sometimes the only thing to do is listen and love them. From my point of view I see their strength and their beauty beneath all the self-doubt and fear. We are all here on a journey to break free from all that binds us to our limitations. Our conditioning is the hardest to overcome when we feel disconnected from the inner core of our Being. I want to hold them and tell them that this is an important vital phase in their growth back to the heart. I just want to smile and say that everything is perfect as it is and these experiences are all important to recognize. But I know too well how it feels. No one could have consoled me when I was in my own shadow phase. Here is a song that came from those deep questioning times. After a long crying episode, it would remind me that my dreams are waiting for me. When I had no Vision, I felt comfort from these words and when a Vision came, I felt the soaring up to fantastic heights. These words have served my life so well. Perhaps they will help you find your courage through hard moments:

"It’s such a long road we travel
It’s such a long road we walk with You
It’s such a long way to freedom
As our Vision sees us through
It’s been lifetimes of waiting
Not knowing what to do
And still keep on believing
That love will see us through

With every step we take Your name
With every tear we cry a river flows
And in the ocean of your comfort
A giant rainbow glows
Until we smile and laughter’s song is ringing
As we spread our wings and fly
To see the road so small beneath us now
From a clear unending sky

It’s such a long road we travel
When our Visions hold us there
Now you teach us to see far beyond ourselves
And soar like birds in the air
Embracing our freedom everywhere
Then what a wondrous life we lead
As our Vision takes us there"

Ganga Fondan, 2001

Ever since I can remember, I've been looking for my love in so many forms. Every time I think that it is lost, singing brings me back to my true Heart. I know this is a personal journey for each and every one of us. We see different rainbows, we experience love and joy in unique ways and we follow different horizons. Each sees a dreams or a Vision of what is ideal or desired. How often my Teacher would remind us of the famous words in the movie musical ,South Pacific :

"You've got to have a dream
If you don't have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true....?"

These words inspired me to keep singing and finding my dream. A dream that grows in the depth of the Heart. It is this dream that eludes the dreamer from time to time. Then we cannot feel our bliss and connection anymore. Someitmes our whole life aches to find it. We become sick or emotional or even cynical. Sometimes it seems impossible to overcome the shadows that follow our days. Keep singing or drawing or painting or writing. I have learned that "writing crystalizes thought." Be gentle with yourself and try not to do it all alone.

Try meditating too. It is very calming. The intellect cannot find the way to the dream. There is a place beyond thinking that guides us. When you fall in love or hold a baby for the first time or when something moves you to tears, you experience That.

We are loved so wholly and unconditionally. We are made out of That essence. Keep going and deep growing. You are well on your way toward the bliss you seek.

In the spirit of that Love, we are One.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sing Beyond this Fear of Tomorrow

Seeing Beyond The Fear of Tomorrow

“Tomorrow is a ferocious creature.
Tomorrow is your tormentor and you have glorified tomorrow.
Tomorrow is your greatest solace and tomorrow is your devil.
Past, present and future have always kept you captive.
When you love, you don’t love in the past.
You don’t love in the future.
You don’t love in the now.
You are blissful.
Bliss is timeless.
The mind cannot understand bliss.
You cannot have bliss with your mind.
The mind cannot understand timelessness.
It craves to find time.
Mind craves for that cage of time.
Most people are trapped in the past and they fear the future.
“Now” for them is a frantic moment of finding tomorrow.
That’s why even the great Jesus of Nazareth said:
“Think not of the morrow.”
If you carry thoughts of tomorrow you carry anxious thoughts.
Every time you find yourself thinking of tomorrow, check yourself.
Tomorrow is a ferocious creature.
Tomorrow is a monster.
Tomorrow is a mirage.
Your oasis in the desert of life is your timelessness.
Your bliss.
Where you live.
In your heart, everything is already done.
See it being done and it is done.
Then you can revel and enjoy time.
Then you can say “I had a GOOD TIME.”

-Tulshi Sen, Morning Talks, "Why Am I Afraid of Tomorrow?"

This beautiful paradox occupies my mind tonight as I realize yet again that my anxiety comes when I forget who I am. As I was listening to this audio earlier and immersed knee deep in digital art, I suddenly wanted to transcribe the words and soak in them for a while. Now I'm grinning on the inside and I don't feel like thinking beyond this moment. I close my eyes and send out this feeling to the Universe. I hear the pouring rain outside my window and the soft roll of thunder rumbling across the sky.

My oasis in the desert of life is my timelessness.
My Bliss.
Where I live.
In my heart, everything is already done.
I see it being done and it is done.

Love ripples out to every corner of the Universe.
The sky roars in celebration and jubilant tears.

I Am That.



Sunday, August 2, 2009

Traveling Home with the Little Blue Pony

The Legend of the Little Blue Pony

My first car was a blue Hyundai Pony which opened up a whole new world to me. Sitting behind the wheel, listening to my favorite tunes, I used to travel all across Canada and even the Universe on certain days. I paid for the down payment with the money my maternal grandmother left for me to buy a piano to encourage me musically. Before she left this world, she promised me she would always give me some sort of sign that she would always be around. Often I would park in a farmer's field and lie against the windshield of that Pony and look up at the evening sky. I could not see or feel her. I felt so frustrated and lost sometimes. I wanted her to know that I needed a car more than music in my life. Maybe she didn't understand. Eventually I started to feel intense stirrings in my heart and this song (written almost 15 years later) embodies what I felt and how far I travelled to find my answers. The little Blue Pony was always a real little horse to me because he had such a great adventurous spirit and agile gentleness. This is our journey together:

"I remember driving my little blue pony
through dusty back roads and wheat fields
and cornfields watching the sun set.
This helped me to forget all the things
that I wanted to run away from.
Then I’d stop to look at the trees
and see the branches moving in the breeze
and I’d always feel your Hand
reaching out to guide me to You
Reaching out knowing I needed You.

Then one day You handed me
a pair of rose colored glasses
The kind that let me see beauty
behind all the hurt and the fear and the lies.
Rose-colored glasses
I wore happily
Rose-colored glasses
to teach me to see.
Oh watching the sun rise
Looking for my Heart,
Looking for my Heart

I remember driving my little blue pony
to Toronto away from Alberta
heading towards something.
Heading towards anything
that would help me to grow
to better know you my Heart
Rose-colored glasses I wore faithfully
knowing that someday
I would be with You
and I’d stop to look at the trees
and see the branches moving in the breeze
I would always feel your Hand
reaching out
to guide me to You
Reaching out
knowing I’ll make it through.

Now you’ve taken away those rose-colored glasses.
I no longer need them to see
that You’re right here inside me
to teach me, to guide me,
Oh You set me free
watching the sun rise,
following my Heart,
following my Heart,
following my Heart.

And I’ll always remember
The little blue pony
and all the roads
that led me to You."

Ganga Fondan, 1998

Every day I recognize that everything I look for in the outer world first reveals its form in the inner One. Everything I longed for: my grandmother's kiss in the wind, to be one with my soulmate (who has now reached the other world) and to find the Truth of who I am and where I am going (the Outer Teacher reveals the Inner Teacher), my life continues to show me over and over that there is no separation between my deepest desires and my dreams fulfilled. Their existence is one. What I have held and loved never truly disappears, only changes form. I can not contact that knowing place with my ever limited measuring mind. This song leads to the source of this knowing: the Heart, or Consciousness.

"Your Consciousness is not time and space bound. It is free from the past, present, and the future, which is the realm of the mind. The stuff of Vision is Consciousness. You cannot Vision in the past and you know you cannot Vision in the present; it is too fleeting a moment to do so, and you cannot Vision in the future; you can only Vision in the Absolute and your vision is not suject to any contingency or condition. Therefore it is already yours. You go about your daily life knowing that you already have it. It is no longer a make-believe world, it is real. Your Vision is your reality." - Tulshi Sen, "Ancient Secrets of Success for Today's World"

So many people ask me how it is possible to find the right life partner or get the right job. They feel overwhelmed with the books on the laws of attraction and positive thinking. There is a look of frenzy in their eyes to know how to get what they want. I dedicate my life to passing on the knowledge that was given me. I know that the ancient tools work. We don't have to do it alone. We each take off our rose-colored glasses in our own time. Then we can let go and let the symbolical little blue Pony take us to our True Home.

We are One.