“Here I stand on another mountain
The view from here it stirs my soul
The journey was long and hard
And I’m not sure what I feel inside
Conquering and being conquered
A weariness that holds my mind
My knees are shaking
and the tears are rolling
and the sky is listening
Waiting for my heart to know the way
But I’m not sure and so I say:
Lead Thou me onward
Oh my Soul
Take my life upward
Oh take me Home
Beyond these mountains
and the valleys I’ve known
Oh my Soul Take me Home…
So here I stand again and singing
Another circle feels complete
I want to be more than a bird in a golden cage
opening and closing that door
A weariness that holds my mind
My knees are shaking
And the tears are rolling
and the sky is listening
waiting for my heart to know the way
but I'm not sure and so I say
Lead Thou me onward
Oh my soul
Take my life upward
Oh take me home
beyond these mountains
and the valleys I've know
Oh my Soul take me Home
To lift the weariness that holds the mind
To see each day anew
What price would be too high
to spread these wings and fly
to soar the freedom of the breeze
Lead Thou me onward oh my Soul..."
Ganga Fondan, 2009
These lyrics came last year on November 19th, which would have been Narayan’s and my 16th anniversary. This has become my theme song for 2010. New strength and wisdom guides me now and my aspirations soar through the Universe with Joy. I do not want to live in old habits and thus create a new paradigm for my life. From this mountain peak I see no higher earthly place to reach and so look way up…
The words for this post are the same ones that came pouring out of me in response to to a young man's plea earlier this evening. He wondered why he always finds himself in the same predicaments over and over. He looked frustrated and angry. After a moment of reflection I saw my own life like a movie in my mind and gave a response to this question:
Sooner or later we realize that there is a much larger picture around the small events of our individual lives. We cannot see it at the time, but these things seem to become clearer later on. If we allow ourselves to get caught up in the dynamic of the moment and attach ourselves to that one event, we live very frustrated and painful lives. Sooner or later it becomes necessary to decide on a better outcome and focus on that in order to change the paradigm of our experiences. I no longer think that we have come here to change the world but to be transformed and transcend the smaller experiences of our life in order to master ourselves in any given situation.
I could see that it was difficult for this young man to hear this. His experience has shown him that life is unfair and unjust and he feels tired of fighting an uphill battle. There are so many things that I wanted to say but I could see that it was not the right time to say them. This phase of feeling the futility of action is necessary sometimes in order to feel the ache to reach higher. Who can say if life is fair? I think he needed to speak what he felt more than hearing but I know that it was important to have that conversation because I grew from it.
As I type these words and watch the curser on the screen, I think about how much has happened in my life to get me to this exact moment. Every second of it was worthwhile and important to my growth even though at the time, I couldn't see how. My Teacher says that even a willow leaf falls from a tree with purpose. I think about the words to the song above. It is time to spread my wings and leap to higher ground. There is no earthly mountain higher than the one I stand on at this very moment. I'm tired of sinking and soaring. I close my eyes and invoke a higher path. This one will take me "heartward" again.
With every new transition there is a trust and a surrender to a higher Vision. With every new endeavor there is gain and loss again. This is the sacrifice of the Phoenix as she rises over and over in deathless Love. We are the generations of her renewal. I close my eyes and spread my arms open wide...
"Lead Thou me onward Oh my Soul
Take my life upward
Oh take me Home
beyond these mountains
and the valleys I've known
Oh my Soul
Take me Home"
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing these beautiful words and picture. Going home is indeed inner work. I especially love your words - "I no longer think that we have come here to change the world but to be transformed and transcend the smaller experiences of our life in order to master ourselves in any given situation." So true and sometimes when we begin to master ourselves our outer world changes with us and this is magical. My experience is that old habits die very hard but freedom from them is about really living our life in the presence of this very moment.
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