Let Deepest Expectations Conquer Fear

"What is this inside calling
that my outside wants to see?
Do I run from my heart’s longing
or does it run away from me?
Am I master of my thoughts
or a slave of inner whim?
Why do I always question:
What condition am I in?
Are my hopes for safe tomorrows
locked in yesterday once more
or do I feel a pang of something
I have never felt before?
Do I run away from dreaming
out of fear of what may come?
Does this suppression ever serve me
because its what I’ve always done?
Am I not more than just this body
made of flesh and blood and mind?
What could be more important
than this quest for all mankind?
What is our expectation
every moment of the day?
Will we finally turn to feel it
Or will we always run away?"

Ganga Fondan, 2009

This artwork and poem is inspired by yesterday’s teleseminar given by Tulshi Sen in which he emphasized listening to the expectant and romantic heart within. By transcending the fearful and anxious mind we “arouse the dormant powers of life and consider that which was thought to be impossible.”

While playing with my digital canvas, I wondered again about the questions raised in the call. What do I expect from my life? What do I long for? Where will I be six months from now? A year from now? Ten years from now? I have to admit that sometimes I do only think about paying my bills and making sure that everything is in place for next month again. Then I have to laugh because money has always come and gone in my life. Fantastic experiences filled with affluence would flow in and there were other times when I lived on less than $10.00 a day. From basking on the beaches in the South of France to appreciating a buck and change for a Tim Hortons coffee, the tides of life give and take again. What I've learned from my Teacher is that regardless of my circumstances, my romantic heart continues to dream and desire and call forth new experiences. Will I allow myself to stagnate out of "wanting to get by"? Never. The Four Proclamations are my navigational tools to stay in tune with my Source of strength within. Centred, my life is filled with poetry, music and creative images. Out of this play of romance, my day to day living becomes richer.

When Narayan left this world, I did not know what I could expect from life. My Teacher assured me that I would know great joy again. With the "Sen Yantra System" my frozen thoughts of grief loosened and intense desire began to surface. The more I practiced these simple techniques, the more I wanted to sing in aspiration and feel the dance of the poets and visionaries of the past. Thinking the thoughts I wanted to think was made easier through the use of symbols and mantras of sound. These kept and still keep my heart open and creative. My romatic self becomes actively contagious everywhere I go. It seems my love for Narayan keeps expanding into something greater than I ever knew before.

A few days ago I visited a friend in a huge loft apartment with an enormous skylight which poured in a wealth of sunlight over a magnificent electronic keyboard and acousitc guitar. The sound carried like a dream in that place as the music poured through me immersed in wonder under that fantastic skylight. While playing, I could feel my expectation level expanding. I could feel that I wanted this kind of light and resonance in the next place I live. I could see myself playing for others in space much like this one. I could feel my happiness alive and dancing simply for the joy of the experience. Every cell tingled with delight. I played for hours on the keyboard and then picked up the guitar and sang to my heart's content.

In that romance, I could feel my desire for the space, for the sound, for the elation itself. This experience supercharged me again and reminded me to never compromise any longing that comes from deep within. As I think all these thoughts, the artwork draws me in for a closer look. I see myself in all women and all women in me. We are One. The common thread of finding romance, relationships and riches weaves through all of us. Our journey is One and yet each of us lives our own phenomenal epic if we only listen to the inner songs.

If anyone is in the Vancouver area tomorrow, I urge you to attend Tulshi Sen's one day seminar on the "Sen Yantra System". Turn and feel your own expectation and live a romantic and prosperous life.

Have an awe-inspired week-end.

Ganga