Saturday, September 5, 2009
Our Unalienable Right to Fall in Love
Every time you look at me I wonder what you see.
I wonder what your heart feels when it says:
“You are so beautiful.
You are so powerful and precious.
You can have anything you truly want.
Your every desire is a promise fulfilled.”
Even after being pushed around,
disappointed, dried out and cried out
while wading knee-deep in darkness and doubt…
My Vision rises again and again
trying harder to see what you see
and to feel what you feel when you look at me.
In that reaching pulsates a great Joy
nudging me to the edge of knowing for myself
that we are One.
That we are powerful and precious…
That we can have anything we truly want…
Every desire is a promise fulfilled.
All we need to do is fall into our Belief.
Ganga Fondan 2009
This "you" in the prose above embodies everyone who loves me. A great wave of heartfelt friendships have blessed me over and over. In my eagerness to love others, I often neglected to fully receive from them. This posting today focusses on my desire to be more present with all those in my life. I want to listen more and hear the words from the heart. I want to accept a compliment or a gift without feeling like I have to reciprocate or feel worthy of the moment. Oh I've come a long way, but there is still much further to reach in fully loving my Self.
Last night's telephone call with my Teacher was fantastic. There were people from all over the United States and Canada listening in. The topic was once again about raising our belief level. He asked us many questions and invited us to embrace a much enlarged imagination in order to really try and answer them honestly. One thing that really stuck with me was the idea of being in "defense mode". Oh it can be so subtle. Someone makes a suggestion about something we can aspire to and immediately we navigate our present circumstances for the likelihood of accepting this idea. We reach for what he calls "the worst case scenario" and brace ourselves for it. Perhaps we may lose our job, our pension fund, our relationship, our house...so we better not risk taking a chance on ourselves. Then he suggested why not reach for a "best case scenario" and see ourselves larger, happier, more liberated, wealthier and having more time to relax and spend time doing the things we want to do. When we release the defense mode, our entire creativity expands and reaps greater results. We feel healthier and greatly reduce stress. The trouble is that more and more people are experiencing blocks in their their day to day thinking . With ever increasing distractions on the information highways, the busy workweek schedule and a full family life there is little time and energy left for working on thoughts we really want to think. That is why, thankfully, the Ancient Masters have spent their lives considering these challenges and devising ways to lighten the load of day to day living. The "Sen Yantra System" with its roots in these timeless teachings is now being introduced in Vancouver this month. I know that existing students and new ones will be so enriched by this Wisdom. I have used various components of this practice for years and it has made all the difference in my life.
Ten years ago I would have never posted a blog. I would have been much too shy. I would never have attempted to paint and draw and dive into digital artwork because I thought that was a world that belonged to people with talent and training. I would never have attemped to pick up a guitar to answer the call of my heart to write songs of longing and aspiration. I would never have known the ecstasy of hours of fantastic release and discovery. I knew then that my heart ached to create but I felt blocked. I had felt that way ever since I could remember. Every tool, every saying, every teaching that my Teacher offered, I dove wholeheartedly into so that the pain inside me would be released and I could start to live the way I choose. Layers of resistance and judgement were peeled away during those years. So much conditioning from the past had no more place in my thoughts. The more heaviness that fell away, the more came the hunger to express and explore the inner self. Images rose out of the songs and again out of the images more stories. Books could have never taught me this about myself. This had to be activated through direct experience.
During the call, the gauntlet fell again challenging me to greater heights in my thinking. What will I do with all of this? After spending some considerable time in defense mode, my daily journaling helped me open up and to crystalize new and greater thoughts. I will not fail in this quest to master my life. Two years ago, the picture in today's posting came together. I thought it was awful but I kept it. It was very difficult to look at pictures of myself. Working with images of other people first helped me to break down many resistances. Finally, with detachment I can now play with images of myself and have fun with them. I think lifetimes of self-criticism are now obliterated.
And so I return to what I started blogging about today. So many beautiful people have come and gone in my life. Sometimes they were just there for a few moments and we exchanged something wonderful. Sometimes they stayed in my life for years and always supported me during times of weakness and strength. Sometimes they live far away and we hardly connect, but there is this unending feeling of love between us. Narayan's love is always in my heart and my unending reverence for my profound Teacher ever lifts my life. By seeing in myself what they see, I fall in love with myself and the beautiful consequence is that my belief level skyrockets.
Here's to raising our belief level and creating a world of joy, peace and freedom.