"Our Soul is Composed of Harmony." - Leonardo Da Vinci

Image:  Painting of my brother and me playing music when we were kids

Journal Entry, September 15, 2015

Don't we all want to believe that there is meaning and purpose in our life?  This desire is often thwarted when we are young and imagine ourselves to be on a great long unending highway of ups and downs, tested on an obstacle course constantly measuring our capacity and worth.  That's when the feelings of "not good enough" and "loser" can raise their ugly heads.  Is life really only an endurance test?  Who sets the standards of success or failure?  Is there really anybody else in my life who knows more about my reason to be here than me?  There was a time when I thought so.  There was a time when I really assumed that my life lacked something that others possessed, an indescribable edge that was beyond my ability.  This was reflected in so many messages from an outside world that was all too eager to fashion a custom made, personalized box around me to retreat into and just safely follow life instead of engaging with it.  The temptation to rely on the outside world to navigate personal choices gets severely challenged during times of crisis and questioning everything.  This agonizing time when everything screeches to a dangerous halt may be the necessary opportunity to revel in silence in order to hear a different kind of music.

Sometimes an entire breakdown creates an opportunity to find authentic strength and vitality.  A kind of starting over kicks in when we finally allow ourselves to ask real questions.  When the outside world has no more control, a meeting ground is prepared.  For many of us this "do or die" intensity unveils another kind of inner reserve that waits unencumbered for us to reclaim a relationship with it. 

It was in the 17^th year.

Everything blasted apart.
The glue of life dried up

And the broken pieces

Lay caked and choking

For their right to survive.

It was in this time of agony,

In a constant battle between

Futility and fearing to hope,

That a darkness entered

The scene without drama

Or desire to be celebrated.

This force invaded slowly

With dangerous indifference

Infesting all gloominess

Emptying out any vitality

Until meaning nearly lost its hold:

In the last glimmer of a dying spark.

In that darkest of moments,

A luminescence suddenly dawned:

A quiet sobering roused the senses,

A generous lightness of being

gleamed through empty hallways,

In and out of doorways of feeling.

Everything crescendo-ed in silence

Promising ecstatic splendor yet to awaken,

In the resilient heart of a beloved brother,
In the invincible Teacher guiding from the wings,

In the soulmate who would kindle great love,
In the joy-permeated Goddess she would become.

©Ganga Fondan, 2015

"The Wound is the Place Where the Light Enters You" - Rumi

Image:  Photo Image of Tree Bark taken at a Local Park ( Click image for better details)

Journal Entry, July 14, 2015

A horrific shower of pain bombards the airwaves and in so many places, the seeds of separation are laced with anger, revenge, greed, ignorance and rage.  The wounds are real and the losses are heart-wrenching.  Part of mankind moves obliviously through this anger and fear, while another perceives such soul sucking intensity, a kind of paralysis and numbness takes over.  There are those who organize and radicalize.  There are those who join in with all the voices crying for justice.  There are those who feel powerless against their oppressors.  The wounding continues.

The state of the world around us is a reflection of what is happening within each of us.  The stories of our own lives animate the greater narrative.  Though advancement in technology of information sharing has linked the world in profound ways, our awareness of what others are going through overwhelms our actual individual experiences and we must process this flood of information on a greater scale as well.  How do we integrate all this excess into our own understanding of life?  Unless we find ways to activate our own inner navigational abilities, we will inevitably drown and lose hope.  We will forfeit our capacity to believe in our own resilience and the thrill of  aspiring to unknown heights.

It's time to gather strength and see the wisdom in the wounding.  In my own experience, it has been essential to understand the roots of what was hurtful to me and to forgive and let go.  In this journey, a greater understanding and compassion became possible.  I see the oppressor enmeshed in a root cause of pain and the cycle goes on and on deeper into the past.  Where does the blaming stop?  It must begin within ourselves.   When we see clearly the roots of behavior firstly through our own experiences, we can then reach out to others with a compassionate and kind heart.  There have been so many books written about these personal transformations but until we feel it within our own narrative, we cannot recognize the Truth:

Each crisis was a message that’s secretly for you
Opening a frame of reference
Like nothing else could ever do.
Like a medicine or magic
A way out began to form
While you’re bleeding and you’re crying
Beaten down and hurt and worn.
Where the arrows pierced and entered
There a bloody river poured
And the wisdom that was lifted
Oozes out its own reward.

In this Journey of Perfection
The Way Home is slowly found
Through the wound now gently closing
You reached up to higher ground.
Beyond flesh and blood we travel
Yet in pain the longing waits
In the asking comes receiving:
There an answer penetrates.
In this healing there’s a story
In this story is a key
That will comfort other strangers
Open doors and set them free.

©Ganga Fondan, 2015

  

The Answer's in the Motion of Love the Inside of Me

Image:  This Digital voyage is inspired by the lyrics to this song I've been singing for so many years that celebrates the going out to find the treasures of living life here and then journeying to share them with Creation as an offering for the joy of experience.  (Click Image for More Detail)

“So many roads to travel
Which one is for me
Where can I find answers
When will these eyes see
Flow on river
Flow on river
Flow on river
Flow on

Questions ever endless
Though the truth be only one
Everything is finished
But we’ve only just begun
Flow on river
Flow on river
Flow on river
Flow on

Flow on, flow on , flow on….

Rushing to the ocean
Drifting out to sea
The answer’s in the motion
Of the Love inside of me
Flow on river
Flow on river
Flow on river
Flow on

Flow on, flow on, flow on….”

©Ganga Fondan, 1997


Journal Entry: March 4, 2015

I woke up this morning with rain clouds in my head so I turned on my computer and stared at this latest painting on the desktop.  I suddenly remembered an old song I used to sing in rounds with my friend and picked up sweet Antara (name of my guitar), sat on my bed and closed my eyes and sang on and on.  I felt the immensity of life fill me up.  I flew above the snowy city and up into the open sky.  I felt the planet spinning in perfection and the beautiful moon's journey around the earth and the water's dance with the moon and all of life revelling in a mysterious and energetic dance of nature.  All of life was reminding me to expand and take part in its opulence.  One song turned into many and soon the sun burst alive in my heart and I bubbled over and decided to share with you.   

2015 - From Deep Within This Well Does Spring...

Image:  While sitting around one night, my brother and I were talking about something and this digital art began with dancing notes and soon morphed into people dancing and celebrating and it just grew from there.  A grand celebration of color and sound and rising to more and more ecstatic heights.  ( Click Image for more Detail )

Journal Entry:  January 3, 2015

Walking through the falling snow today, I hear the gentle rhythm  of the weighted wet snowflakes tapping against my thick winter coat.  I hear my boots thumping a melodic steady beat against the slushy hard concrete.  The wind brushes against my face with a sobering consistency.  It's already the third day of the new year and everything has changed.  A light blazes within my heart and reminds me to forget about the dizzying pace of the world around me.  A faraway dream reaches out to my memory.  
It seems to whisper:  Come back to Me.

My eyes began to tear up as my mind opens up to the thought.  In a flash I see all the ways I still hide from the Absolute Ideal.  I turn my face towards the sky and let the water from my eyes mix with the water from the clouds.  I will not give up.    

Later sitting at my desk, a stream of thoughts pours through my searching questions.  The way back is not easy and yet always available.  Just show up.  

The garden appears..I hear the music.  Let Go.
My voice reaches out past my teeth and tongue on the wings of a deep breath...
Ommmmmmmmmm.
Ommmmmmmmmm.
Home.