Alive in Your Song: June - July

Keep my dream alive in your Song:
It frames beautiful thoughts within me
Touches my life with magnificent light
Expands love in every direction
Speaks softly to my purpose
Points my chin back up to the stars
It stirs the imagination
Gives voice to my feelings
Shakes off the mantle of apathy
Commands a sensitivity towards life
Brings me back to my center
Reminds me that we live from the inside out
Sees through the transparent mind
Leads me back to the wisdom of cause
Honors the uniqueness of my gifts
Breaks my fall when I miss the mark

Dusts me off and encourages me
to dream the impossible dream

Ganga Fondan, 2010

Journal Entry June 18, 2010

Continuing my SongQuest this week. It was first my husband and then my Teacher who opened up the Song of life and asked me to sing my part. My life unfolds in this music. Nothing tangible to fix on and yet this navigation penetrates everything I think and feel and do.

Journal Entry July1, 2010

I feel like something is expanding every paradigm, every perception and every idea that runs through my mind. More and more I remember the words: "My Consciousness creates". Tonight while walking home I could smell such a variety of scents in the evening wind. Every few steps came a new one. With each new smell I asked : "Who is sensing this?" I have walked down this street hundreds of times. Why is my sense of smell opening now? An unspoken feeling of a greater intelligence flowed through my thoughts. Then there was an aching running through my body. This unspoken feeling seemed to say "there is so much more to who you are ... stop leaking". Then in a flash came another feeling : "there is no hurry".

Journal Entry, July 7, 2010

In this SongQuest, my senses start to look outward at the world and see the tremendous injustice and imbalance there still seems to be. Political oppression and tremendous poverty still shadow so much of this planet. It hurts inside to feel it all and a paralysis overcomes me. It's too much. Then the words of my Teacher come back and remind me that transformation can only happen from within. What do I see? I see a place for the singing. Each day, the singing builds peace. The images of hope, courage and rapture return with each strum of the guitar. My face turns towards the lightness again and my voice sings in the direction of waves calling me home.

Journal Entry, July 31, 2010

It is the middle of the night. Lifting my head and opening my eyes, the outer world overwhelms me again. Such brutality and ignorance, such greed and fear mongering! The emotions rise and fall accordingly and I feel that old familiar paralysis yet again. Now I don't want to sing or dance. I don't want to feel this anymore. Why am I here? I listen to the girls outside my window. They are drunk with laughter and forgetting. I watch them under the shadow of the trees. They shout out to each other and shriek with pleasure. I remember the feeling of alcohol in my blood. I remember the numbness and the slowing down. I remember the sobering and the aching to know what is real and what is not. I watch them playing while so oblivious of all the sleeping people. Slowly I feel my breath filling up the inside of my belly. A subtle feeling reminds me of the story of the lion who found a lion cub being raised in a herd of sheep. It took a while for that lion to convince the little cub that he was not a sheep but a lion like him. The grass eating and bleating cub did not believe this huge majestic creature at first. Suddenly, in this moment I am that cub again. Looking into the water of the pond, I see a reflection. I close my eyes and remember my part in the wildness of the world. I go back in to seek the lion and shed myself of any trace of thinking that I was ever a sheep at all.